by Matt Dinniman
October 22, 2024
Book 3 of 7: Dungeon Crawler Carl
Welcome to the Iron Tangle! Carl and his ex-girlfriend’s cat, Princess Donut, have to team up with other contestants not just to survive, but to solve a deadly puzzle in this third, mind-twisting novel in the addictive Dungeon Crawler Carl series by Matt Dinniman—now with bonus material exclusive to this print edition.
Earth has been transformed into the set of the galaxy’s most watched game show: Dungeon Crawler World, a nightmarish, multilevel, video game–like dungeon filled with traps, monsters, and mind-bending puzzles. Carl and Donut have survived so far, but this fourth level is unlike anything they could imagine. The Iron Tangle: an impossibly complicated subway system tied together into a knot of trains of all kinds, from classic steam engines to sleek modern cars. Up is down. Down is up. Close is far. The cars are filled with monsters, the railway stations aren’t always what they seem, and the exit is perpetually just a few stops away.
The top ten list is populated, and Carl and Donut have made it. But that popularity comes with a price. They each now have a bounty on their head. They must work with other crawlers to solve the puzzle of the floor, but how can they do that when they don’t know who to trust? The secret to unraveling it all may be hidden in the pages of a seemingly useless book.
Welcome, Crawlers. Welcome to the fourth floor of the dungeon.
Includes part three of the exclusive bonus story “Backstage at the Pineapple Cabaret.”
Praise for Dungeon Crawler Carl
“Fresh. Creative. Hilarious. I'm obsessed…Princess Donut is my queen.” – Actor, producer and New York Times bestselling author Felicia Day
"I don't always say nice things about a book just because the writer has compromising pictures of me engaging in some very complicated international crimes, but when I do, I say them about Matt Dinniman's Dungeon Crawler Carl! Also, this series has no goddamn business burying so much depth and emotion and complexity under its bawdy, gory surface, but it does so anyway. What a wild-ass and unexpected delight." – New York Times bestselling author Scott Lynch
"If there's a better LitRPG than Dungeon Crawler Carl, I haven't read it." - Shirtaloon, author of He Who Fights Monsters
“Dungeon Crawler Carl is the best start to a series I’ve read this year. I wish I’d tried it sooner.” – Will Wight, author of the Cradle series
Excerpt. © Reprinted by permission. All rights reserved.
1
Time to Level Collapse: 10 days.
Views: 43.1 Quadrillion
Followers: 677 Trillion
Favorites: 158.1 Trillion
Leaderboard rank: 6
Bounty: 100,000 gold
Red Line.
Welcome, Crawler, to the fourth floor. "The Iron Tangle."
Your title has reverted to Royal Bodyguard.
Sponsorship bidding initiated on Crawler #4,122. Bidding ends in 45 hours.
The
world rumbled. The ground shook. I stumbled backward the moment we
appeared, but I was held upright by a metal wall. Lights flashed in a
quick staccato, pulsing on either side of the long, thin room. I felt
the thump, thump, thump under my feet. We were in a long
plastic-and-metal tube that vibrated and thundered. The lights in the
room blinked out, then turned back on.
Mongo screeched in anger
and fear. Donut jumped to my shoulder, trembling. Katia clutched on to a
metal pole rising from the floor to the ceiling.
New achievement! I'm on a train!
Choo Choo, Motherfucker.
Reward: You've received a Train Conductor's Souvenir Hat! Wear it with pride!
"It's a subway car," I said. We hurtled through a tunnel, racing toward some unknown destination.
A
double aisle of seats, facing inward, filled the train car. The seats
were made of beige molded plastic with brown cushions that were ripped
and tagged with marker and spray paint. The words were in nonsensical
letters in the Cyrillic alphabet. The floor was dingy and pocked. Scorch
marks dotted the plastic walls. Poles rose to the ceiling at regular
intervals and also ran the length of the car. The whole place smelled
like a pile of dead rats.
The train car was empty except for our party.
"It's
a Metro car from Moscow," Katia said. "But the ones I rode were in much
better condition than this. And cleaner." Her face had returned to the
mostly human, blond-haired form she'd held earlier. Her nose had been
knocked halfway around her face the last time I'd seen her in her
doppelganger form, but she'd willed it back into place.
At the
end of the subway car was a closed door with no window. Above the door
hung a small electric sign with red words scrolling across the top.
Red Line, Car 20. Next stop: Sirin Station (81) in 12 minutes and 32 seconds.
"Everybody
get dressed," I said. I sat down in the chair and quickly began the
process of putting my gear back on. I briefly examined the stupid train
hat we'd received, and it was junk. It wasn't magical. It was a simple
blue-and-white hat one would see on a toddler. It had the words "I rode
the Iron Tangle" embroidered on it.
"Carl, it says I have to pick
a new class because of my Character Actor skill. I only have six
minutes to choose, or I will get a 'random' one," Donut said. "The list
is full of new stuff. Not the same as before."
Carl: Mordecai.
Help Donut pick a class. She's going to read off some choices. We're in a
moving train car. I think it's a subway-system-themed floor.
Mordecai: Welcome back. Donut, hit me with the suggested list.
Donut: I DON'T LIKE THESE CHOICES, MORDECAI.
As
Donut rattled off a list of options in the chat, including things like
Alley Cat Brawler and Nec-Cat-Mancer, I moved to the window and peered
outside.
We moved swiftly. The exterior wall of the tunnel was
right there, barely inches from the window. It appeared to be made of
dirt or rock. Lights flashed by occasionally as if electrical lights
were built into the tunnel walls at random intervals.
"Why does she always type in all caps?" Katia whispered as I peered out the window. "Is it because she's four-legged?"
"No. It's because she's Donut."
"She's quite the handful, isn't she?"
I remembered what Odette had said about Hekla wanting to steal Donut away.
"More than you know," I said.
We
had 10 days to complete this floor. Our first priority would be to find
a stairwell. If we were constantly moving, that was going to provide a
unique challenge. There were only 9,375 stairwells this time. If the
level truly was subway- or train-themed, and this wasn't just taking us
to some random location where the floor was really going to begin, we
needed a map. Even if there was a stairwell at each and every stop, that
suggested this system was beyond huge. Finding a stairwell wouldn't be
enough if we didn't know how to circle back.
My Escape Plan skill
couldn't find any directions or maps, at least not in this car. The
skill worked great, but you had to know where the hidden maps were
before you could utilize it.
"Wow," Katia said. "My constitution
is double what it normally is. I'm at 102. I have an active momentum
bonus even though I'm not moving."
"Good," I said. That means
you're our meat shield, I didn't add. "I hope that's by design.
Otherwise, I wouldn't get used to it. If the showrunners didn't mean for
that to happen, you can bet it'll be patched out tonight."
If we
were going to be doing a lot of close-quarters fighting this level,
that meant I needed to work on my hand-to-hand. Last floor had been all
about explosions. I suspected that was going to take a back seat here.
Donut: SO, SHOULD I DO THE FOOTBALL HOOLIGAN OR THE FIRECRACKER CLASS? QUICK, I'M ALMOST OUT OF TIME.
Mordecai:
Hooligan. If you're going to be stuck in a series of tubes, it's the
best choice. It comes with a momentum bonus and several team buffs. Plus
the Mascot skill, which gives a bonus to Mongo.
Donut glowed for a moment.
Donut:
I DID IT. I GOT THE MASCOT SKILL! BUT I DIDN'T GET GROUP CHANT OR
MOVING RIOT. I GOT THE 10 POINTS TO MY CONSTITUTION, THOUGH.
Mordecai:
Damn. Chant would've been good. Okay, you three. I just peeked my head
out of my room, and I am in what appears to be a train station
settlement. It looks as if the stores and inns are placed at these
stations. This is a bigger one where you can switch between three
different train routes. One of the trains is a subway like you
described, but another is much larger. Like a regular transcontinental
railway train. Get off at the next station, and see if you can find a
safe room or inn.
Carl: 10-4. By the way, thanks for telling us about the bounty.
Mordecai: So you made the top 10, huh? Find a safe room, and we'll talk.
I
looked at Donut. I tried to remember what she'd lost by switching away
from Artist Alley Mogul. The only noteworthy benefits were the +5 to
dexterity and the 15% bonus to item sales. Also, she'd received a few
extra coins when we went down the stairs, but it wasn't much. The loss
of the dexterity bonus would probably be the worst part. "So what do
your new skills do?"
The ground rattled as we went around a bend. The lights flickered.
"I
only got a couple of new ones. It came with a skill that would've
raised my damage if we were moving, but I didn't get it. The best one is
Mascot. If Mongo deals damage to an enemy, everybody in the party
receives a bonus to dexterity and constitution. If he kills a mob, the
bonus lasts for a couple hours."
"That is a good one," I said.
"Also, my constitution went up by 10 points. Oh, and I got a skill called Guinness that doubles my strength if I'm drunk."
"Are you serious?"
"Quite,"
she said. "So if we're going to be doing any fighting, we'll need to
stop at the club first so I can get another Dirty Shirley."
Carl: Mordecai, is it me or are these classes better than what we were offered before?
Mordecai:
It's an unintended benefit. A lot of these rarer classes weren't
available because she didn't meet the minimum requirements. But as her
stats increase, the classes she's offered on each level will be better.
There's another benefit I hadn't anticipated, too. She'd received a
level 5 Negotiation skill with that Artist Alley class. Before you guys
left the third floor, she'd raised the skill to level 7 thanks to all
that selling you did. When she lost that class, the five levels went
away, but she retained the two she'd received, including the skill
experience, so it actually bumped itself up to four on its own.
Carl:
Wait, I don't understand. So if she gets a temporary skill, she keeps
it the next floor down? What about the stat point increases?
Mordecai:
She won't keep the stat points. But as long as she uses a skill enough
to level it at least once, it looks like she'll keep it, minus the
levels she received as being a part of that class. Skill experience is a
complicated, under-the-hood metric crawlers can't see. It takes a lot
to break the cherry, so to say, and obtain level 1. But once you're in,
you're in. So in other words, use Mongo as much as you can, and you'll
keep that Mascot benefit. Also, from now on, we should keep an eye out
for classes with rare spells. If she levels the spell at least once,
then I think she'll keep it.
Carl: That seems like a bug.
Mordecai:
I think it might be. So don't talk about it out loud or bring attention
to it. They probably won't notice until she manages to keep a spell
from one floor to the next. Now get to work. I'll look for a map, but
you should, too.
"Katia," I said. "You have the Pathfinder skill. Do you see anything?"
"The
skill is only level three. It was level one when I got it, and it's
hard to upgrade. I have to keep my map open all the way to train it. My
old game guide said I needed to find a training guild to really boost
it. I can zoom my map out really big, but when I do, I don't see much.
There are tubes everywhere, like a mess of noodles. Though a minute ago,
I saw another train rush by on another track on the other side of this
wall, shooting off at an angle from us. As for this train, there are 20
cars, and we're on the last one."
"Can you see any mobs?"
"No.
It usually doesn't show monsters. But if we're close to a stairwell or a
safe room, I'll get a notification. But I can see car number 15 is
shaped differently than this one. I can't see what it is. It's not a
passenger car like this one."
I looked on my own map, and it
showed the first half of car 15. I knew normally my map zoomed out a
little bigger than that, but it shrank while we were moving. If Katia
could see all 20 cars, then that skill really did make the map a lot
bigger. The map also helpfully labeled the cars for me, something I
hadn't seen before. We were in Cabin #20-Passenger Car.
"What does the label say for that 15th car?" I asked Katia.
"It just has a question mark."
I
examined the back wall of the train. Normally there'd be some sort of
emergency exit. Instead, it was just a solid metallic wall. I wondered
what would happen if I attached an explosive to it, breached the wall,
and jumped out onto the track. Considering how tight the tunnel was,
we'd probably get squished by the next train in a matter of minutes.
"Okay, guys," I said. "Let's go check it out."
I
moved down the center aisle. Donut jumped to my shoulder. Mongo pushed
his way to my side. He had to struggle past the vertical poles. If he
got much bigger or the aisles any tighter, it was going to become a
problem. We came to the door, which seemed out of place here. There was
no glass window. I sensed this door was something added by the dungeon,
and normally there'd be a short, open gangway where one could walk the
length of the train unimpeded. Above, the timer to the next stop was at
five minutes.
"I'm going to pull the door open. Katia, your constitution is four times mine, so you go in first. You okay with that?"
She swallowed but then nodded. I could see she was trembling. "I guess that's my job, isn't it?"
"Don't worry, sweetie. We have your back," Donut said.
The
door slid to the side, revealing a small, enclosed space between the
two cars. The gangway floor bounced up and down. The walls connecting
the two train cars were a black accordioned material that looked like
reinforced fabric. The distance between the two cars seemed longer than
it should be. Below my feet was a panel that I could presumably pull up
to get to the connector. A second door appeared, leading to the next
car, and I put my hand on it. Behind me, Katia now held a small glowing
ax.
"Have you used that thing before?" I asked.
"It's a
good weapon," she said. "But my strength isn't high enough, and it
doesn't do a lot of damage. Though I killed some lumber monkeys with
it."
I nodded. "Here we go."
I slid open the door, and she
leaped inside. Mongo jumped in with her, snarling, causing her to
face-plant. I stumbled back at the pet's sudden, unexpected forward
motion.
"Goddamnit, Mongo!" I yelled, examining the room for threats.
Matt Dinniman is a writer and artist from Gig Harbor, Washington. He is the author of the best-selling Dungeon Crawler Carl series along with several other books about the end of the world. He doesn't really hate Cocker Spaniels, and he plays bass in two bands.
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