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Friday, March 31, 2017

Interview: Horror Author Kenneth W. Cain + giveaway

Sharon: Tell us about your next release: Embers: A Collection of Dark Fiction.
Kenneth: Embers is a bit of a big deal for me in that Crystal Lake Publishing decided to take on the project. It’s a collection of 25 short stories, 3 of which are reprints. And while the stories aren’t related in any obvious way, there’s a thread that runs through them all the same. It’s slight, but it’s there.

Sharon: Do you prefer to read short horror stories or horror novels? Is writing short horror stories easier than a horror novel?
Kenneth: I read both actually, as well as listen to several podcasts that feature short stories. Typically I listen to podcasts or audiobooks while I ride my bike or mow the lawn, pretty much any chance I get. I’m a slow reader, so I often read short stories at the same time I read a longer works.

For me, the process is quite similar. Though I came out of the gates with a trilogy, I’ve learned quite a bit since then. I write what gels at the time, and I don’t worry about length. Letting my characters choose their lives is an important part of my current process, so I’m merely along for the ride. Sometimes that’s a short and quick hit, such as the stories in Embers. Other times it’s a long journey, which might require more time to finish and edit to make everything sync. I think in my case it’s the editing that takes the longest, so perhaps a novel length work is slightly more difficult in that way.

Sharon: What kind of biking do you do? Are you talking motorcycle or bicycle? Where do you like to ride?
Kenneth: Ha! I wish a motorbike, but my wife would kill me. It’s only a stationary bike to break up sitting around in a chair all day. I had some chronic pain issues for a long time that kept me mostly stationary, but I’ve gotten those somewhat under control now. So I’ve been riding that stationary bike in hopes of getting back in shape. It’s a long and slow process, but it affords me some time to read or listen to an audio-book.

I have a mountain bike, too, which I sometimes take out in the summer. But we’ve only lived in this house for two years, and it sits atop a steep hill, so I’ll have to work up to that. I’m getting there, though.

Sharon: You have two other collections. Tell us about the covers. Did you come up with that freaky little concept? (Tales collections)

Kenneth: It’s kind of a funny story actually. I’d given up on writing and asked my wife Heather what I should with all “these old tales” which had been accepted at a press that went defunct. And it struck me then what to do with them. But Heather couldn’t have been more supportive at the time, though she didn’t like the idea of me giving up on my dream.

Originally I had some poetry thrown into the collection, basically anything I felt had some significance, and I hired this great cover artist, Philip R. Rogers, who I knew from the forums of that defunct press. I had this scene in mind with the play on tales/tails, and I was pretty specific about what I wanted for the cover art. Philip nailed the artwork, which made it easier for me to apply the graphic design I wanted.

Truth is I wouldn’t have come back to writing if it weren’t for Gene O’Neill, who left a message on my Facebook wall about how much he enjoyed the These Old Tales. Gene is one of the nicest writers I’ve met in this business, a truly inspiring guy and great writer. Since then, the poetry has been removed and the stories edited a couple times. But that process led to Fresh Cut Tales.

I’d gained a little confidence when I started Fresh Cut Tales. My only goal was to improve on These Old Tales, and I think I even mention that in the notes at the end of the collection. Anyway, I went into this one wanting the same play on tales/tails, but I thought the elegance of a rose in a vase would separate that cover from the last. The dead rose was sort of a play on beauty in death. It’s somewhat more frightful than the first cover in a way. Anyway, I hired Paul Michael Anderson to edit the collection and went out looking for blurbs. Among others, Mort Castle was kind enough to offer something, which I still very much appreciate. Mort has also been quite inspiring in my short career. He gave me the confidence I needed to move forward with Embers.

Sharon: Do you think the modern horror fan is desensitized by the constant use of gore, so stories like on The Twilight Zone, Outer Limits and Alfred Hitchcock don’t have the same impact like they did?
Kenneth: My daughter will watch horror films with me now and then, and she’s quite desensitized to the gore. It’s interesting for me to see her reactions, how they differ from my own. In fact, we watched several episodes of The Twilight Zone together, and she didn’t think them scary at all. She did like the plot twists and overall enjoyed the first season. So, in a way, yes—I do think readers have seen the gore to no end and have become slightly desensitized to it.

But there’s always that sense of wonder in people, a need to know what makes things tick. When we see horrific things on the news, we can’t help but wonder what made that person commit such terrible crimes. It’s that curiosity where stories like those depicted in The Twilight Zone and One Step Beyond exist. For instance, I do think many of us wonder what comes next, so it’s fun to play on the afterlife and speculate what that could be, even if it’s just slowly decomposing in a bed of worms.

Sharon: Great point about the curiosity… What was the last good horror movie you’ve seen?
Kenneth: My daughter started watching horror movies with my wife and I a couple years back. So she picks a lot of what we watch in that regard. The last one we caught was Sinister. My daughter is big on the jump scares, and Heather is terrified of most everything in those movies. Sometimes I’ll slam my hand down on the couch right when the music gets tense to scare them. It’s good for a few laughs.

Sharon: Finish this song lyric: I’m too sexy for my_______.
Kenneth: Lawn chair.

Sharon: Sticking with the music theme, what group(s) would you pick to create a soundtrack for Embers?
Kenneth: I’m so fond of Pink Floyd. I love their body of work and all the solo albums, so I guess I would choose Roger Waters. He’s always had a sort of vision I admire, his ability to move people with music. Though David Gilmour’s guitar can really convey emotion, so maybe I’d pick him. Wow, this is a tough question. Either way, I’d really want something atmospheric and filled with emotion.
Sharon: I’m a Floyd fan too! Saw them in concert back in the 90s. They have a haunting sound as opposed to a heavy metal sound. 
Kenneth: They’re my favorite band. I’ve seen them three or four times without Waters. Heather and I have seen Waters on tour six times. We’re hoping to catch his tour this year, too.

Sharon: Do you have a hobby or collect anything?
Kenneth: I’m a huge fan of baseball, especially the St. Louis Cardinals. So I collect baseball cards and other memorabilia. I also collect books I’ve really enjoyed. Perhaps my most passionate hobby, though, would be my reef tanks. I spend much of my free time tending to them.
Sharon: Cool! Beautiful tank. My husband keeps a salt water fish tank (90 gal) We like the Braves. Been to many Cardinal’s games?
Kenneth: Thanks. I’ve been in and out of saltwater tanks for 30 years. It’s quite the rewarding hobby. There’s nothing like taking a break and checking out the fish and corals. I’ve only recently started selling homegrown corals on the side.

I grew up in the suburbs of Chicago, and the Cardinals were close by, so you’d think I would’ve caught a bunch of games. But I think I saw them once or twice back then. Nowadays I try to catch a game or two whenever they’re in town. I also subscribe to MLB.TV, so I’m able to watch most of their games if I want.

Sharon: Truth or Dare?

Kenneth: Truth.
Katie: Have you ever eaten food resting on the top of a trash can?
Kenenth: A donut, once. But I was pretty hung-over, if that makes it sound any better. It was a dare in fact.

Sharon: If you could have any piece of art in the world, what would you pick?
Kenneth: This one is another tough question. I have a BFA in fine arts, so I’ve seen so many great works from so many different artists. I love strolling through an art museum, taking it all in. I have the added benefit of living close enough to the Barnes Foundation to have visited it on several occasions. The Barnes features works by so many great well-known artists that you find in books in most cases. But go big or go home, right? So I’d pick The Moses by Michelangelo. There’s something so mesmerizing about that statue.
Sharon: Nice choice…where would you place it?
Kenneth: Heather would skin me alive, but I’d figure out someway to fit it in my office. One way or another I’d get it in there.

Sharon: What is your favorite dipping sauce? What is your favorite thing to dip?
Kenneth: It’s not good for me, so I don’t have it often, but I love this Mango Habanero sauce from Dominoes. I’ll dip anything from crackers to hot wings in that sauce.

Rapid Fire:
Sharon: Attacked by a bear or a swarm of bees?
Kenneth: Since I’ve already experienced a swarm of bees I guess I’ll go with a good mauling by a bear.
Sharon: Please, elaborate!
Kenneth: Years ago I met this woman who was a big hiker. So I asked her out on a date and when she said yes, I took her to a local lake for a stroll around the perimeter. I’d brought along an old machete for brush, and at some point we came to a spot at the far end of the lake that was fully blocked. There I was hacking away at the shrubs, trying to make an opening, when I spotted a hive. I don’t think I’ve ever run faster. I tried to lose them by diving into the lake, but with the water being only a few inches deep, that didn’t do much more than bruise up my body. I abandoned the lake and handed my date a limb, thinking she could use the branch to scrape the dozen or so remaining bees off my back. She nearly beat me to death with that limb. I can’t help but laugh thinking back now, as it was quite the humorous adventure. Pretty easy to see why we never went on a second date, isn’t it?

Sharon: Coke or Pepsi?
Kenneth: Coke.
Sharon: *Leaves the room. Cursing heard. Enters room again. Glares. Eats Moon pie*

Sharon: Night owl or early riser?
Kenneth: Unfortunately, I’m a bit of both. I’ve never slept well, so it’s always a bit of a struggle for me. It feels like wasted time. Imagine all we could accomplish if we didn’t have to sleep.

Sharon: Scooby Doo or Cujo?
Kenneth: Wouldn’t it be awesome if we could combine those two? I guess if I had to choose, I’d go with Scooby.
Sharon: Yes! How about a Jekyll and Hyde version…? He would change whenever he got a Scooby snack.
Kenneth: Ha! Now that sounds fun.

Sharon: bionic arm or bionic eye?
Kenneth: I grew up watching the Six Million Dollar Man, and he had both, of course. But who hasn’t struggled with a jar of pickles or the like? So I guess I would go with the bionic arm.
Sharon: Me too! I was thinking of Steve Austin when I asked this.
Kenneth: I loved that show as a kid and recently showed my son the whole Bigfoot fight scene. He looked at me like I was crazy. I guess some shows hold up better in our memories.

Sharon: Alien or Predator?
Kenneth: Another tough choice, but I’ll go with Predator.

Sharon: crushed ice or cubed?
Kenneth: Cubed.

Do you have a link to a free short story online?
I’m currently giving away my novella Jade for those who sign up for my newsletter:

Also, here’s a link to an excerpt from “In The Shadow of The Equine,” which is a story that’s in Fresh Cut Tales. It starts after the short essay I wrote for the Horror Writers Association’s Halloween Haunts event:

Embers: A Collection of Dark Fiction
by Kenneth Cain
only $.99
From the author of the short story collections These Old Tales and Fresh Cut Tales comes his latest effort, Embers: A Collection of Dark Fiction. In his youth Cain developed a sense of wonderment owed in part to TV shows like The Twilight Zone, The Outer Limits, One Step Beyond and Alfred Hitchcock Presents. Now Cain seeks the same dark overtones in his writing. There’s a little something for every reader within this collection. These 25 short speculative stories represent the smoldering remains of a blaze, the fiery bits meant to ignite the mind with slow-burning imagery and smoky twists and turns. These are the very embers of Cain’s soul.

In this collection, Cain features stories of troubled men and women, both living and dead. Themes of loss and the afterlife take on many forms, as he explores the unknown. For instance, “The Chamber” focuses on a hardened veteran of World War II who has committed heinous crimes. He seeks only to find peace from his conscience, but sometimes that comes at a great loss. “Valerie’s Window” visits a small town amid a tragic end to humanity. Only things are not as they seem, and the more Valerie comes to know herself, the more her reality is revealed. “The Benefit of Being Weighty” has a humorous side, but the theme of this story revolves around fat shaming and the price one must pay for being so ignorant. Hopefully, these three short descriptions have increased your curiosity to read the book.

When the dark comes, light a match. Let the fire burn bright and hot. So that when it dies the embers warm you.
Table of Contents:
• The Chamber
• “Valerie’s Window”
• “A Window to Dream By”
• “Each New Day Unknown”
• “Gone”
• “Under the Drift of Snow is Another World”
• “Blackbird’s Breath”
• “Desolate”
• “Lost in the Woods”
• “Final Breaths”
• “Closer”
• “Flocking Birds”
• “Pirouette”
• “To Save One Life”
• “Of Both Worlds”
• “Breathing Cave”
• “Soul Tapped”
• “The Water People”
• “Water Snake”
• “Evolved”
• “Buried Beneath the Old Chicago Swamps”
• “The Bad Men”
• “Parasite”
• “Strip Poker, Crabs, and Blue Women”
• “The Benefit of Being Weighty”

About the Author:
Kenneth W. Cain first got the itch for storytelling during his formative years in the suburbs of Chicago, where he got to listen to his grandfather spin tales by the glow of a barrel fire. But it was a reading of Baba Yaga that grew his desire for dark fiction. Shows like The Twilight Zone, The Outer Limits, Alfred Hitchcock Presents, and One Step Beyond furthered that sense of wonder for the unknown, and he’s been writing ever since.

Cain is the author of The Saga of I trilogy, United States of the Dead, the short story collections These Old Tales and Fresh Cut Tales, and the forthcoming Embers: A Collection of Dark Fiction. Writing, reading, fine art, graphic design, and Cardinals baseball are but a few of his passions. Cain now resides in Chester County, Pennsylvania with his wife and two children.

an ecopy of Embers

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Thursday, March 30, 2017

Cover Reveal: Hot Pursuit (Black Knights Inc.#11) by Julie Ann Walker + print series giveaway

Hot Pursuit (Black Knights Inc.#11)
by Julie Ann Walker
October 3, 2017

From bestselling author Julie Ann Walker comes the next installment in her hit Black Knights Inc. series!

He puts the hot...

Christian Watson, a former SAS officer and current BKI operator, never thought he would return to England after a terrible turn of events forced him to abandon his homeland. But now he's back on British soil where old enemies are determined to do him in. Fighting for his life is pretty much SOP for Christian. Doing it with the beautiful, bossy Emily Scott in tow is another matter entirely.

In hot pursuit.

Emily lost her coveted job at the CIA because of a bad romance with a coworker, and now she has just one rule when it comes to men: they're for recreational purposes only. But when she and Christian are thrust into very close quarters while evading two mysterious men who want Christian dead, she can't help but question all her ideas about love and life lived on the edge. Battling the bad guys is hard enough, battling her feelings for Christian just might prove impossible.

"This razor-sharp, sensual, and intriguing tale will get hearts pounding." -- Publishers Weekly STARRED review for Wild Ride

"Julie Ann Walker is one of those authors to be put on a keeper shelf along with Nora Roberts, Suzanne Brockmann and Allison Brennan." – KirkusReviews

About the Author:
Website -FB-twitter
Born in Tulsa, Oklahoma, Julie grew up in a house full of women – she has three older sisters. As you can imagine, there was no lack of drama… or romance. Her mother enrolled her in a book club as soon as she began to read and it was the small spark that ignited her voracious appetite for the written word. Because of Julie’s early immersion in literature, she found writing came quite naturally. In high school, she won multiple writing contests and was the proud senior editor of The Tiger’s Tale – her school newspaper. During her college years, however, she longed for a challenge. “Reading and writing felt like second nature to me, so I looked for a way to flex my mental muscles,” she recalls. After receiving a Bachelor of Science degree, Julie began teaching advanced high school mathematics. “I loved working with the students and facing the challenges of the classroom, but I longed for the occasional snow day when I could race to the local book store, buy two or three new novels, and curl up in front of the fire to read.” It wasn’t until a fortuitous move to Chicago that Julie once more returned to her first passion. “Thankfully, my husband – my own personal hero – encouraged my decision to write full time.” Now Julie lives on beautiful Lake Shore Drive with a view that sometimes competes with her deadlines. When she’s not writing, she enjoys camping, hiking, cycling, cooking, travel, and…reading, of course!

A SIGNED set of the Black Knights Inc. series by Julie Ann Walker.

That's nine books!
US/Canada only

Want a chance to win signed copies of the first eight titles in Julie Ann Walker’s Black Knights Inc. series? Click on the rafflecopter below!
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Wednesday, March 29, 2017

Excerpt Spotlight: Mark of Destiny: An Epic Fantasy Novel by Azrael James + giveaway

Mark of Destiny: An Epic Fantasy Novel
by Azrael James
Genre: Epic Fantasy
Publisher: Branch Publishing
Number of pages: 403
Word Count: 82,331
Cover Artist: T.K. Chapin
Her destiny will change the world forever.

Belstrom—an ancient and mystical land where the Curo Wizards rule and life is cheap.

Tizrah—a lowly armory brat who dreams of one day becoming a warrior but fate has other plans.

Korlin—a recent graduate of the High Wizard’s School of 

Curogath is tasked with an assignment to eradicate a lost magic system that threatens the very stability of Belstrom. 

Mark of Destiny weaves together the threads of a captivating fantasy adventure, while remaining epic in scope, and modern in its originality.

HOLDING HER EYE STEADY UPON the massive wolvike, Tizrah silently slid the longbow from her back. The care with which she moved came naturally to her.

The way she slipped unseen and stalked her prey might have even impressed the elite rangers of Ravenwood Forest, had they been there to see. Alas, they were not, and Tizrah was truly and utterly alone as she crept closer to the herd of colossal beasts feasting merely ten yards away. Flies buzzed loudly, and the odor of fresh blood hung thick in the air.

Tizrah’s heart hammered against her chest. She tried to calm herself using the measured breathing she’d been taught. It wasn’t helping. Sweat poured from her like rain, rolling down her face in droplets that stung her eyes. When she drew as close as she dared, she quietly climbed an ekenwood tree in hopes of finding a better vantage point from which to view the pack.

Breathing a sigh of relief now that she was off the ground, she waited. The branch Tizrah straddled offered a measure of safety, as well as a clear shot, and she sent out a prayer of thanks to Oshawa, who had given her the perfect perch from which to bring down one of the legendary beasts.

This kill would prove her worth before the men of New Hayden. It would change the direction of her life, and that was what Tizrah desired with all her burning heart.

Desperation had drawn her away from her home and directed her feet to the heart of the Labby Forest. When she had caught sight of the wolvike, Tizrah knew that this was to be her chance.

She had only read about the beasts in her worn school books, and the penciled drawings paled in comparison to the frightful creatures which stood less than a stone’s throw away. Nearly seven feet tall, paws to shoulders, the wolvike were imposing to look upon. Their fur resembled freshly fallen snow, and catching sight of the wolvike’s sickle- like, razor sharp teeth, Tizrah was reminded of the fine blades of the Knights of Eldor.

She knew from her studies that one bite would be enough to bleed a full-grown man out in a matter of minutes. Six—that’s how many of the beasts she counted. They grunted and growled below her as they tore a spotted deer to pieces.

Now, for one to stray from the pack.

Tizrah was patient. She wouldn’t let her arrow fly until victory was assured.

Releasing a long, controlled breath, she relaxed her muscles. Anticipating movement from the pack, she raised the bow to eye level. The largest of the beasts, having had its fill, began to traipse toward the nearby stream.

The moment had arrived.
Drawing her bowstring back with wiry arms, Tizrah followed the wolvike with her steel-tipped arrow.

Stopping dead in its tracks, the beast lifted its head.

Tizrah’s arrow shot across the clearing, impaling the artery running down the side of the beast’s neck. The wolvike toppled, its rapid blood loss dragging it down into the sleep of death.

The rest of the pack bolted, leaving their fallen alpha to Tizrah and her blade.

Dropping from the branch, she took a steadying breath, then strode to the trophy. She would need proof of her kill, as she wasn’t strong enough to drag the beast through the forest. I’ll take its eyes, she thought, nearing with her blade poised.

The eyes of a wolvike were unlike any other known mammal within the Four Kingdoms. Used to make costly medicines for the virility of the wealthy, wolvike eyes were extremely valuable. At the grisly sound of her knife cutting into the eye socket, Tizrah blanched. Having completed the unsavory task, she rolled them in an eken leaf and placed them in the leather pouch on the outer side of her main pack for safe keeping.

Bending over the prone form, Tizrah offered a whispered prayer. “Oshawa, Life- Giver, I pray that this death will not go in vain. I pray that it might bring sustenance to the beasts of the forest and afterward enrich the ground upon which it lies.”

Finishing her heartfelt plea, Tizrah stood and took stock of the situation. Three days, the time it would take her to reach home. The Warrior Trials were scheduled to take place five days hence. Perhaps, with proof of her kill, she would be able to convince Jax at the arena to add her name to the list. Dreams danced before her mind’s eye. Picturing herself crowned victor at the completion of the Warrior Trials set her feet in motion.

Tizrah wasn’t worried about the competition. Her only worry was whether Jax would concede to her request when she offered him the eyes. Years of working with her father in the armory had honed her muscles into steel beneath her skin, and she had hunted and trained in the fighting arts since she was small. Many thought her dedication odd, preferring girls to keep to their traditional roles. Girls were taught to cook, clean, and sew. They were also expected to birth offspring and take care of the men. Tizrah viewed the societal limitations placed upon her with hatred—not that it was wrong for others, but she wanted something more in life than hiding behind a stove and raising brats for some man.

Shaking her head to clear it of the endless stream of thought, she left the clearing and reentered the forest. Ekenwood trees towered above the various shades of green flora covering the forest floor. The chattering of wild poka birds echoed back and forth beneath the canopy of branches. How had they ever been trained as messenger birds?

While growing up, she had seen them flying overhead often enough, and she had been curious to know what important messages they might be carrying each time one passed over.

A single shaft of amber light pierced through the tree barrier, distracting from her musings. Tizrah entered the dazzling luminescence and reveled in its life-giving rays. She loved the forest above all other places; in the depths of its silence and solitude, she found peace.

Peace with her mother’s death, for Tizrah had wanted her mother to live and had been unable to save her. Disease rarely paid heed to the cries of children.

Peace with the way her father had hidden his broken heart at the bottom of tumblers of ale from the local tavern, instead of comforting his only child.

Tizrah even felt peace in the fact that no matter the trophy she brought with her, her chances of entering the Warrior Trials were slimmer than the dirty beggars who sat pleading for crusts of bread on the outskirts of Silvermeere. If Jax changed his mind, then she might be able to work her way up to fighting on the battlefield of Echo Flats, or even serve a stint in the Fireblade Mountains, where rumor had it the dragon still lived.

Pulling herself from her musings, Tizrah continued onward. As much as she would have liked to stay soaking up the rays of sunlight and marveling at the beauty of Oshawa’s greatness, Tizrah knew that for her dreams to be realized, she must trudge forward, allowing the old moment its death while a new moment was born.

After two days of hiking, Tizrah reached the southwest corner of the Labby Forest. She was almost home. Leaving the ancient ekenwood groves, she entered the forest’s area of newer growth that was still recovering from being logged off before the dawn of the Magi Wars.

When the wars ended two centuries past, people had found that the ashenwood tree was far superior in strength to all others. The newly founded Council of Nine had issued a mandate for the loggers to focus their efforts on gathering the stronger wood located in the ironwood and ashenwood forests that lined the southern end of Belstrom. According to the history of New Hayden, Tizrah’s home had once been a booming hub for logging, but the mandate had dropped its population by half, and afterward, the town had assumed a much slower rate of growth over the centuries.

Running lightly down the dirt path toward home, Tizrah nearly bubbled over with excitement. She imagined her father, Eldim, crafting an exquisite set of armor for her to wear during the Warrior Trials. He would choose fine ossen metal, for it was incredibly strong and lightweight and would reflect sunlight to the blinding of one’s enemies.

Nearing the western exit of the forest, Tizrah reached a stretch of the path that was open and straight, set between two groves. Halfway across the stretch, she caught movement in the sky. Diving down swiftly and alighting directly in her path was a large, gray and white-speckled gryphon. The beautiful and fearsome creature held Tizrah with its nerve-rattling gaze. Gryphons were considered the messengers of Oshawa, and to see one so close was considered either a very good omen or an ominous one.

What could Oshawa’s creature want with her, a lowly armory brat? Nevertheless, she waited, returning its gaze. She had nothing to fear; her heart was right before the One-God.

Seconds passed like centuries until Tizrah noticed a burning sensation sear her right arm. In a flash of radiance, the landscape surrounding her disappeared as she lost consciousness, falling to the ground like a crumpled doll.

The gryphon watched over her as she slept.

About the Author:
AZRAEL JAMES fell in love with Tolkien at the age of twelve leading to a life-long love of fantasy fiction. Writing stories that capture the imagination, James invites readers into a world where magic rules and ordinary life is forgotten. When not spinning tales, James teaches guitar to underprivileged fairy folk. He believes music and love are what binds all life together.

Tour giveaway

Three lucky winners will win a signed copy of Mark of Destiny in paperback.
Drawing will be held on April 18th.
Exclusive Giveaway, enter to win

Tuesday, March 28, 2017

New Book Releases in Speculative Fiction for March 28, 2017

Meet my little friends...they want to meet you too! (That didn't sound nearly as creepy in my head.) Oh, well,

Here is our WTF-ery for the week...notice this is book 3 of the St. Bernard Shifters. There are two more! 
(y'all do know I mean What The flockery? Right? Cause we classy like that.)