JUPITER ASCENDING
Written and Directed by: Lana and Andy Wachowski
Cast: Mila Kunis, Channing Tatum, Sean Bean, Eddie Redmayne,
Rated: PG-13
Plot:
From the streets of Chicago to the far-flung galaxies whirling through space, "Jupiter Ascending" tells the story of Jupiter Jones (Mila Kunis), who was born under a night sky, with signs predicting she was destined for great things. Now grown, Jupiter dreams of the stars but wakes up to the cold reality of a job cleaning other people's houses and an endless run of bad breaks. Only when Caine (Channing Tatum), a genetically engineered ex-military hunter, arrives on Earth to track her down does Jupiter begin to glimpse the fate that has been waiting for her all along-her genetic signature marks her as next in line for an extraordinary inheritance that could alter the balance of the cosmos.
If I had to sum up this film as a whole, it would go like this: "What a waste of time and money".
I don't have much to say, the cup is more then half empty. The tiny bits of pieces that were meaningful are just nowhere near enough to keep you wanting more. Like a leaf on the wind, you can't catch'em. And if you did, they would crumble and fall apart.
The CGI stuff was cool, the stunts looked like fun. I know Mila and Channing did a bunch of wire work for this one. Though the technology introduced left much to be desired. This was a fantasy film that felt like there was a book or manual you needed to read BEFORE seeing this. I had no clue what was going on half the time. It's all mashed up and put together, then thrown with a sling-shot straight in your face. TAKE IT! And hey, you're gonna like it!
Sean Bean, I'm so sorry you felt the need to take this role. Dude, I still love you! Long live the North! (GOT reference folks.)
I've never wanted to walk out of a film as badly as I did with this one. Don't waste your hard earned money, unless you're on a blind date that's not going well. Then waste their money and buy a ton of snacks to enjoy. It will give you something to do other then watching this galactic train wreck.
Getting 1 "I will never live in a bee infested house" Sheep
KD
