Narration Part One
In my last post I talked about the different kinds of points of view. In this one I want to talk about narration.
When I first started this post I thought it would be straightforward and easy to lay out. Like a lot of my books, I was wrong. In my attempt (and probably sad attempt) to keep this simple I am going to break it up into multiple sections. This section will use third person limited narration for the examples and concentrate on the part the characters play in the delivery of the story.
All right, lets get started. Hopefully I won’t make too big of a cluster f*** of this. As usual--these are my opinions and my opinions alone, and they are by no means to be taken as “right” or “wrong”. This is simply about method, nothing more.
As we already know, point of view decides which character will supply the information that is given to the reader. Narrative voice decides how that information is conveyed to the reader.
The goal of the narrative voice is to bring the reader into the story and allow them to experience the world surrounding the characters.
If you read a variety of genres you will see a difference in how and what is communicated to the reader. In romance it focuses on character feelings and their emotional journey. In science fiction the narrative often focuses on providing hard information to concrete the story into reality.
This doesn’t mean that either one of these genres can’t incorporate the other, because they can. I chose them as examples because they are more likely to be polar opposites than have similarities. If you decide you want to “see” the difference, pick up a hardcore science fiction book and the number one romance book and read the first chapter.
Part One:
He said. She said. And how they said it.
There are at least a dozen opinions on dialog tags and how they should be used and how often they should be used. I’m going to do my best not to address that argument but rather present the effects it has on efficient delivery of the story by the narrative and the part that narrative plays in the story.
Sample A:1
Jon ran into the room and came to a stop by the table. “Did I miss anything?” Jon said.
Larry didn’t look up from his computer. The keys on the keyboard clicked under his fingertips. “If you had, would it matter?”
“It might.”
“Well if it did, you wouldn’t have been late.” Larry said as he pushed himself away from his desk.
“So I did miss something.”
“It was a board meeting.” Larry said. “The investors sure as hell weren’t here to talk about the grandkids.”
“So what happened?”
“Aside from getting three new million dollar contracts, not much.”
“Yes.” Jon said. “See, I told you. I told you, you didn’t need me here.”
Larry went over to the coffee machine. “Needing you here wasn’t the point.” He started to pour a cup but the pot was empty.
Sample A:2
Jon ran into the room and stopped by the table. “Did I miss anything?” He breathed.
Larry didn’t look up from his computer. The keys on the keyboard clicked under his fingertips. “If you had, would it matter?”
“It might.” Jon replied.
“Well if it did, you wouldn’t have been late.” Larry said as he pushed himself away from his desk.
“So I did miss something.”
“It was a board meeting.” Larry said. “The investors sure as hell weren’t here to talk about the grandkids.”
“So what happened?”
“Aside from getting three new million dollar contracts, not much.”
“Yes.” Jon shouted. “See, I told you. I told you, you didn’t need me here.”
Larry went over to the coffee machine. “Needing you here wasn’t the point.” He sighed.
While the use of dialog tags isn’t right or wrong, several things happen in the above samples by using them. The biggest one being that they take the reader out of the moment in order to tell them who is saying what and how it is being said.
Imagine you are watching a movie and every time a character takes the lead in a scene the screen shot closes in on just them. Would you rather know who is important in the scene this way, or would you rather have a wide screen view of the scene and see what is happening around the character and witness the character’s importance by his interactions with the environment?
Here’s the difference removing dialog tags and descriptions of how the character spoke:
Sample A3:
Jon ran into the room and came to a stop by the table. “Did I miss anything?”
Larry didn’t look up from his computer. The keys on the keyboard clicked under his fingertips. “If you had, would it matter?”
“It might.”
“Well if it did, you wouldn’t have been late.” Larry pushed himself away from his desk.
“So I did miss something.”
“It was a board meeting. The investors sure as hell weren’t here to talk about the grandkids.”
“So what happened?”
“Aside from getting three new million dollar contracts, not much.”
“Yes.” Jon bumped his fist against the table. “See, I told you. I told you, you didn’t need me here.”
Larry went over to the coffee machine. “Needing you here wasn’t the point.” He started to pour a cup but the pot was empty.
Comparison:
“Yes.” Jon shouted. “See, I told you. I told you, you didn’t need me here.”
“Yes.” Jon bumped his fist against the table. “See, I told you. I told you, you didn’t need me here.”
By eliminating the use of tags the narrative voice fades into the background and is nothing but an information tool leaving behind the scene, action, and what’s being said as the focus of the story. Now granted, it’s not fair to say every dialog tag can be dropped, especially when dealing with a scene involving three or more characters, but when there are only two characters in a scene there is almost no need for the tags.
When tags are needed, keeping them as simple as possible is the only way for the narrative to remain in the background. He said or she said does just that. Using tags like replied, questioned, challenged, whispered, and shouted can be replaced by character interactions and actions.
The same goes for adverbs such as softy, angrily, loudly, happily, and many more. Using them is a matter of preference, but by using them screen time is removed from the other characters and it’s another missed opportunity to use action and reaction to give the focus character depth and add realism to the moment.
Example: B1
Jon ran into the room and stopped by the table. “Did I miss anything?” He said breathlessly.
Larry didn’t look up from his computer. The keys on the keyboard clicked under his fingertips. “If you had, would it matter?”
“It might.” Jon replied.
“Well if it did, you wouldn’t have been late.” Larry said angrily as he pushed himself away from his desk.
“So I did miss something.”
“It was a board meeting.” Larry said firmly. “The investors sure as hell weren’t here to talk about the grandkids.”
“So what happened?”
“Aside from getting three new million dollar contracts, not much.”
“Yes.” Jon shouted happily. “See, I told you. I told you, you didn’t need me here.”
Larry went over to the coffee machine. “Needing you here wasn’t the point.” He sighed softly and started to pour a cup but the pot was empty.
Those adverbs have successfully told us how things are being said, but they have not allowed us to feel how they are said.
Comparison:
“Yes.” Jon shouted happily. “See, I told you. I told you, you didn’t need me here.”
“Yes.” Jon bumped his fist against the table. “See, I told you. I told you, you didn’t need me here.”
Three simple but very important things happen by removing the tag and replacing it by action: You know he is excited, you learn that Jon is animated when he speaks, and you learn about Jon’s surroundings and location within those surroundings.
C1
Let’s look at the above again, this time showing physical effects of the characters to their environment. *Note some minor changes occur to narrative to make the delivery of emotions smoother.
Jon ran into the room and came to a stop by the table. A stitch pulled at his side and he struggled to catch his breath. “Did I miss anything?”
The blue glow of the screen darkened the flush in Larry’s cheeks. “If you had, would it matter?” The keys ticked off under his fingertips.
“It might.”
“Well if it did, you wouldn’t have been late.” Larry narrowed a look at Jon and pushed himself away from his desk.
“So I did miss something.”
Jon followed Larry around the table. The weight of his gaze stopped Jon in his tracks. “I take that as a yes.” He rubbed the back of his neck and leaned against one of the chairs.
“It was a board meeting.” Larry walked to the coffee machine, retrieved a cup from under the counter, and slammed the door shut. “The investors sure as hell weren’t here to talk about the grandkids.”
“So what happened?”
“Aside from getting three new million dollar contracts, not much.”
“Yes.” Jon took Larry by his shoulders. “See, I told you. I told you, you didn’t need me here.”
“Needing you here wasn’t the point.” Larry pulled away and started to pour a cup but the pot was empty. He closed his eyes and rubbed his fingers against his temple.
By dropping in character actions, reactions, their body movements, their physiological actions, and pairing those details with the dialog, we remove any need for dialog tags and we can come to a reasonable conclusion as to the emotional and mental state of the characters.
Example: C2
A stitch pulled at his side and he struggled to catch his breath.
This shows us that Jon has exerted himself. Since we are told he has run into the room and then shown his physical reaction to that action, we can assume he has run a long way, very fast or both.
The blue glow of the screen darkened the flush in Larry’s cheeks.
Flushed cheeks are usually associated with emotions like arousal, embarrassment, and anger. Since the scene is not given any kind of intimate overtone we can assume it’s not arousal. And Larry’s actions are not those of a man who’s embarrassed, so we can scratch that off the list as well. That leaves anger.
This deduction is further supported by:
The weight of his gaze stopped Jon in his tracks.
Slammed the door shut.
At the same time we are shown that Jon feels and worry and or regret.
He rubbed the back of his neck and leaned against one of the chairs.
Then we are shown his relief and excitement.
Jon took Larry by his shoulders.
Using narration to drop in these minor details rather than telling you the character is angry, happy, or worried, helps in defining the character and who they are.
So in this first part we’ve shown who’s talking, the emotional/mental state of characters through dialog and action/reaction while keeping the narrator interaction to a minimum.
In the second part of this article I’m going to examine how to use narration to show physical traits about the character and their thought process.
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