GtPGKogPYT4p61R1biicqBXsUzo" /> Google+ Dark Humor Author Christopher D. Schmitz: Comicon Weirdness + giveaway | I Smell Sheep

Sunday, December 22, 2019

Dark Humor Author Christopher D. Schmitz: Comicon Weirdness + giveaway

I attend a lot of comic conventions; it's where I sell the bulk of my books and I'm pretty well known up in my area as a Sci-fi and Fantasy author. I usually do the whole shtick with costumes and take as many photos as I do sell books. I'm also known as a funny guy, though i hadn't written any humor novels (though I've done well with my SFF themed comic short stories and some real dark humor ones, too.) I thought it'd be hilarious to write something that feels like Brooklyn 99 solves a murder at Comic-con since I was so familiar with it. I read Bimbos of the Death Sun, a book with similar themes, but it was written in the 1980s and so it feels very dated and the comic convention scene has come into its own since then so it was something of an updated homage.

Weird things happen at comic conventions, usually, they are super fun and innocent, though I'm not saying all the fun is good and clean--but I tend to stay away from the dark alleys at cons (though my wife and I think we may have gotten roofied at a con in North Dakota... maybe that would be a topic for a sequel. Also, Fargo has a way higher than average per capita number of furries. People watching is a blast at conventions.) Probably the weirdest thing, though, happened at an elevator. I typically do a Wolverine costume and I'm kind of known as the Minnesota Wolverine. A much older woman kept staring at my muscles (I actually do the same workout Jackman did to get ripped for the movies) and I jokingly told her, "They're real. you can touch them to make sure." She got real close, kissed my bicep, and then ran away down the hallway like she'd just ding-dong-ditched someone.

50 Shades of Worf 
by Christopher D. Schmitz
Genre: Humor, Satire
November 15, 2019
Publisher: TreeShaker Books
A back-alley brawl between the furries and the bronies.
Deadpool cosplayer keeps stealing all the erotic pegasus artwork.
Someone used a necronomicon to open a tentacle portal in the men’s room.
Two cops must go undercover at a local comicbook convention to stop Wil Wheaton’s murder.
Is this a buddy cop story or a crime-comedy? Neither. 

This is comic con... er, comicomedy?

**Only .99 cents until Dec 6th!!**


“Do you think anyone would want to hurt you or scare you?”

Wil Wheaton looked at the big detective with a serious face. “Michael Dorn.”

Diego furrowed his brow but Farnsworth’s jaw dropped. “Not Michael Dorn!”

“Afraid so. There’s been something of a feud happening at any convention we’ve both been guests at. I mean, two years ago at a dinner party his cat, Gowron, knocked up my Princess McMittens at a Star Trek reunion event and he’s flat out refused pay kitten support. Then, we got involved in this DDR arcade challenge and I spilled a whole bunch of soda on the machine…”

“And it shorted out before he could beat your high score?” interjected Farnsworth.

“No. He totally destroyed me. But then he slipped on the dance pad and hit his head. And then it shorted out and zapped him pretty good… it burned a hole right through the cheeks of his pants.” He tilted his head back and laughed. “It was amazing. But yeah, I’ve been on his bad side ever since.”

Diego’s phone buzzed with a text from Quast.

“Do you think I’m in danger?” Wheaton asked.

“No. We think it was just someone trying to prank you,” Diego said and then indicated to Farnsworth that he needed to make a quick call. He turned and spoke in hushed tones, several paces away.

“So…” Farnsworth tried to stall. “You’re a big Knights of the Illuvian Age fan?”

“Of course.”

“Do they have a screenplay yet? Have you seen it?”

A mischievous glimmer twinkled in Wheaton’s eye. “You’re wondering how they plan to handle the unicorn sex scene?”

Farnsworth blushed and shrugged.

“I haven’t seen the full script yet. But I’ve been told ye old pokey horse is a significant part of the special effects budget.”

Diego was still on the phone and couldn’t help the new detective. “I had your action figure when I was a kid,” he blurted out.

Wheaton raised an eyebrow. “You ever make me do anything weird?”

“Of course…”

“Well now it’s my turn.”


“Turn about’s fair play. Now you have to do what I tell you—it’s only fair. Stand on one leg.”

Farnsworth inexplicably obeyed.

Wheaton took a jar of peanuts from the cupboard. “Are you allergic to peanuts?”

Farnsworth shook his head.

Wheaton grimaced and put them back, instead turning to the mini-fridge. “Okay. Well I think I have some questionable bologna in here I can make you eat.”

Diego hung up and rescued Farnsworth. “We’ve got to go. Thank you, Mister Wheaton, for your time.”

About the Author:
Christopher D. Schmitz is an author of fiction and nonfiction books. Before throwing himself into book writing he had published short fiction in more than twenty outlets. In addition to a day-job working with teenagers, he also writes for a local newspaper, speaks/sells books at comic-cons and other festivals, runs a blog for authors, and makes an insanely tiny amount of money playing the bagpipes.

He grew up as a product of the 1980s and thinks Stranger Things is "basically my biography." He lives in rural Minnesota where he drinks unsafe amounts of coffee with his family and three rambunctious dogs. The caffeine shakes keeps the cold from killing him.

$20 Amazon – 1 winner, Choice of audiobook from author's books – 5 winners 
Follow the tour HERE for special content and a giveaway!


  1. What is it about Wil Wheaton that makes him a good fictional character (like here and on The Big Bang Theory?

  2. Does the cat girl with wings come from a particular series?