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Showing posts with label satire. Show all posts
Showing posts with label satire. Show all posts

Thursday, October 5, 2023

Excerpt: The Shadows of the Monolith: Book One by Jonathan N. Pruitt + giveaway

The Shadows of the Monolith: Book One
by Jonathan N. Pruitt
Fantasy, Grimdark Fantasy, Horror, Satire, Politics
October 3, 2023
Publisher: Spinner Loom Press

“A GRIPPING DARK FANTASY THAT IMMERSES YOU IN A WORLD OF DEADLY POWER POLITIC AND CORRUPTION.” Richard Moriarty – The Sun

With each new dawn, the celestial body known only as ‘Calamity’ draws closer – and with it the end of the world. Humanity’s only hope from oblivion rests in the menhirs, towering bastions of scholarship and imagination which cast long shadows across the lands. The scholars within the menhirs devote themselves selflessly to the discovery of new magic that will help avert the impending apocalypse … or so the masses have been made to understand.

In a society divided between those with occult potential and lay citizens, Tara Langcraw is recruited into the Amber Menhir with great interest. The long-awaited heiress of a bloodline bearing the rarest of the six magical disciplines, time manipulation, she is expected to flourish within this noble citadel of learning, as are her friends and fellow recruits, Roland Ward and Peony Bianchi.

They soon find, however, that those who fail to meet expectations, or who dare to challenge the prevailing order, put more than their marks on the line. For the menhir squirms with rivalries, and those who stand against the status quo may not stand for very long.

Amazon-Kobo



CHAPTER 2
Fast Friends
Countless rows of gnarled grapevines, some laden with fruit, glistened in the midday sun. Seeing them sent a pang of pride through Tara. Riding apart from the others, she drank in the hues of gold, crimson, and chocolate speckling the leaves. She adn’t ridden this far out from her manor in some time. Apart from fields and a few small vassal villages, there wasn’t much to see.

Tara studied her fellow riders. The Architect and the menhir servants babbled amongst themselves, paying the heritage vines around them little heed. It was clear to Tara they knew little about winemaking; otherwise they would have been impressed. Ahead at the confluence of the Spring Road and the Langcraw estates, more menhir servants on horseback gathered, each of them clad in the customary grey robes. The servants adjusted their cowls as they spotted Tara and her escorts. Ms. Ash cued her horse to trot, passing by Tara to greet the other servants. Beside them rode a boy in plain trousers and a green shirt bearing scrollwork. He rode atop a workhorse; his considerable height and weight seemed to demand it.

Tara took stock of the boy. Given his lack of scholar’s robes, Tara concluded he must be the promised Ward ascendant.

The boy twisted in his saddle and beamed at the riders as they approached.

“Ms. Langcraw, this is your first ascendant colleague, Mr. Roland Ward,” Architect Blanchet announced.

Roland Ward boasted a tanner complexion than any field-worker Tara knew. A dense constellation of freckles and moles dotted his two helpings of brow.

“It’s good to meet you, T-Tara. I hope your ride was nice,” Roland offered.

Tara wasn’t confident in how to respond. His odd breathing before words caught her off guard, and her skin went hot as she searched for words of her own.

“I like your coat,” he added.

Tara gave him a cool nod. “A pleasure.”

She kept her features still as she examined him. Ms. Ash and the others glanced between the two soundless ascendants. Tara found herself wishing, not for the last time, that she were alone. She took in a breath and shot the Architect a pleading look.

“Well, there will be plenty of time for you to become acquainted later,” called Architect Blanchet. “We should be going, or we’ll miss dinner!”

Roland’s face beamed again at the mention of food.

As the caravan headed east, Tara situated herself alone at its tail.

She watched Roland Ward as he made small talk with each of the menhir servants and the Architect. After their second afternoon stop, it seemed it was her turn for Roland’s attentions. Tara spotted his approach and spared him a feeble smile. A huge grin split his face. Tara looked away, suppressing a sigh.

“How’s your ride going?” he called, drawing his mount beside hers.

“Fine,” she replied. She studied the apple orchards lining the north side of the road. She wished to be alone, but she didn’t want to appear heartless either. At least, not before she had a better measure of Roland.



Roland grinned at her. “You seem like you m-might be thinking about something important.”

Tara did not answer. He hadn’t really posed a question.

“Maybe you’re worried about your aptitudes?” he asked. His face twisted up with concern, which only made Tara want to vanish even more. Was he pitying her? “I w-worry about mine too. My family says

that’s normal for ascendants.”

Tara rolled a shoulder to relieve some tension from the long ride and insipid conversation.

“Do you think you’ll be like the rest of your f-family?”Tara sighed. “Whatever do you mean?”

The boy’s eyebrows shot up. “I mean . . . you know,” he stumbled. “With your aptitudes.”

“You are not making sense,” Tara replied, with a bit more iciness than she intended.

“I mean, the aptitudes we’re supposed to learn at the menhir,” he clarified. “The th-th-thaumaturgical kinds.”

Tara turned away from him and suppressed another sigh. “My bloodline is strong. I will develop the same aptitudes as my mother, grandmother, and so on. It is why I am here.”

Roland scrunched up his face. “You’ve never thought it might work out different?”

“No, Roland,” she assured him. “My family has transmitted their aptitudes with absolute fidelity. Our records go back thousands of years. Ask Architect Blanchet to see them, if you’re doubtful.”

He blinked at that. Perhaps he was worried for himself? Perhaps he wanted to develop a sense of solidarity with her? Tara could not be sure.

“S-some ascendants show different aptitudes than their parents,” said Roland. “I’ve heard some ascendants don’t show any thaumaturgical aptitudes at all.”

Tara had never heard of one of the Wards being denied full admission to the menhir for thaumaturgical barrenness, though the phenomenon was not unheard of. Still, Roland’s concern suggested his lineage might not be as firm as his family projected.

“I suspect those kinds of ascendants stem from poor developmental environments. That is not the case with the Langcraw line,” said Tara, letting an edge creep into her voice. “Do you have any other personal questions for me?”

He barreled on, “Will you really live forever?”

Tara groaned, then hated herself for doing so. “Nobody knows how long they will live, Roland. Not you, not me. I may be thrown from this horse and sever my spine. We could be killed by bandits from the Independent Cities. It’s the same for all of us.”

She gave him a stony look, hoping his curiosity might be stayed. “Not like that.” He chuckled. “I mean, you know, if nothing bad happens to you, won’t you just go on living?” No one had ever conveyed to Tara how the typical noble knew about the Tilters of the Hourglass. Larus seemed to understand the gist. Langcraw servants had to. Generations of servants grew and died, While Eva Langcraw remained unchanged. It was not the sort of thing people overlooked.

“You’ve g-got to tell me!” Roland pleaded. He sounded like a child.

“Not exactly,” she said, rolling her eyes. “Assuming I manifest the aptitudes of the Tilters, I will age slower than most, but parts of me will age more than others.”

Tara scowled at herself. She hadn’t meant to reveal the last bit. How soon she forgot her mother’s warnings.

“What about you?” she parried.

“Oh,” he replied with a shrug, “my f-family are farmers. We’re Weavers of the web through and through.”

Seeming satisfied with the fruits of his interrogation, Roland took to ferreting out bits of lunch from his teeth with his tongue. When that failed, he made obnoxious sucking sounds to excavate the stubborn bits. After a long while at that, Roland turned his attention back to Tara.

About the Author
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The Amber Menhir, book one of The Shadows of the Monolith series, marks the debut of high fantasy author Jonathan N. Pruitt. A lifelong educator who has taught around the world, Pruitt enjoys spinning spellbinding tales of dark magic and political intrigue. When not toiling away on writing projects, Pruitt can be found traversing about the great outdoors. For more information, visit www.TheShadowsoftheMonolith.com.


Virtual Book Tour - October 2 - October 13
October 2 - RABT Book Tours - Kick Off
October 2 - Our Town Book Review - Spotlight
October 3 - Matters That Count - Excerpt
October 4 - Texas Book Nook - Review
October 5 - I Smell Sheep - Excerpt
October 6 - On a Reading Bender- Review
October 7 - The Faerie Review - Spotlight
October 8 - Book Junkiez - Excerpt
October 9 - The Avid Reader - Interview
October 10 - Crossroad Reviews - Spotlight
October 11 - Nana's Book Reviews - Spotlight
October 12 - A Book an a Latte - Review
October 13 - A Life Through Books - Interview
October 13 - RABT Reviews - Wrap Up

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Wednesday, November 30, 2022

Excerpt: The Council by T.C. Weber

The Council
by T.C. Weber
September 22, 2022
Genre: Political Satire/ Humor
Luther Smith, a newly elected county councilman, is determined to make a difference for his constituents. Unfortunately, he’s ill-prepared for the corruption, incompetence, and lunacy of his fellow councilmembers. Lisa Hogan, a down-on-her-luck single mom and avid naturalist, discovers that developers plan to raze the last tract of forest in the county. Facing a dysfunctional bureaucracy, corrupt politicians, and lazy journalists, Luther and Lisa form a growing bond as they attempt to navigate the legislative labyrinth, mobilize the community, and attempt to save the forest.

“You may think this story is full of absurdity and exaggeration, but I assure you, it is frighteningly close to reality. And that's precisely what makes this book so hilarious.”

- Local Councilman who was told to remain anonymous by the Ethics Commission


Excerpt
The blonde woman in the back rose from her seat and approached the microphone, pale lips pressed together. She wore tan cargo pants and a green fleece. “Hello. I’m Lisa Hogan and I live at 2355 Whistlestop Drive, Foxglove Estates.” She gestured toward Councilman van Womple. “Is he going to sleep through public testimony?”

Council President Sparks leaned into his mic. “Can someone please wake up Clifton?”

Councilwoman Sutton reached over and jostled van Womple awake. His eyes darted wildly. “Whaa?”

“According to their web site,” Ms. Hogan spoke into the mic, “Cha-Ching Properties, which owns half the land in the county, is planning to develop the Great Woods, our last sizable stand of forest. But that area is zoned for conservation. I came to ask if you know what’s going on here.”

Luther hadn’t heard this before, but the Great Woods were way over on the west side of the county and this was his first meeting. The other councilpersons similarly responded with blank faces, except for Councilman Davis, who looked down and rustled through his papers.

The council president leaned toward his microphone. “Thank you.” He scanned the empty seats. “Anyone else?”

Ms. Hogan remained at the lectern. “I’m not finished.” She scrunched her face and ran fingers through limp hair. “It’s on Cha-Ching’s website—I try to follow what they’re up to. It’s listed as their next big project—The Preserve—an irritatingly ironic name since their sketch map shows houses, stores, and office buildings instead of unbroken forest. You know nothing about it? They haven’t submitted anything or contacted you?”

Sparks looked around at the other council members. Sutton shrugged. Van Womple’s eyelids drifted slowly down again.

Luther decided to find out more. “Did you contact the Planning Department?”

“They said they had nothing on file.”

“Did you contact the developer?”

Ms. Hogan’s eyes narrowed. “They refused to talk to me and don’t respond to emails.”

“Development projects have to be approved by the Planning Department, so keep calling them.”

“It would be nice if Sylvan County posted proposed projects on their web site like other counties do.”

Davis cut in before Luther could respond. “I’ll pass that along. Thank you.”

The woman sighed and marched back to her seat.

Council President Sparks shuffled through a pile of papers. “And now we’ll take up our first order of business. Let me see if I can find it…”

Davis responded, “It’s on the agenda. We’re honoring Boy Scout Troop 1156 for um…?” He looked at the others for help.

“Oh yes,” Sparks said. “Where are they?”

There was no sign of boy scouts in the chamber.

Davis looked around. “Did anyone send them an invite?”

Shrugs all around.

Sparks frowned. “Well, someone find out where they are.”

The meeting secretary closed the Candy Crash game on her smartphone and began scrolling through contacts.

“This is important,” Sparks said. “It’s important to honor the troops.”

The troops? Luther wondered if he’d misheard.

“I was there on 9-11,” Sparks continued. “Saw the towers come down. Right there on my TV. And then I had brunch. Waffles, I think.”

About the Author

T.C. Weber has pursued writing since childhood, and learned filmmaking and screenwriting in college, along with physics and ecology. His first published novel was a near-future cyberpunk thriller titled Sleep State Interrupt (See Sharp Press). The first book of a trilogy, it was a finalist for the 2017 Compton Crook award for best first speculative fiction novel. The sequels, The Wrath of Leviathan and Zero-Day Rising, are also out. These were followed by Born in Salt, a character-oriented alternate history novel, and The Survivors, a post-apocalyptic horror novella. His latest work, The Council, pits a naïve councilman and a down-on-her-luck single mom against greedy developers and a dysfunctional government, to try to save their county’s last stand of forest.

Mr. Weber is a member of Poets & Writers, the Science Fiction & Fantasy Writers Association, the Horror Writers Association, and the Maryland Writers Association, and has run numerous writing workshops. By day, Mr. Weber works as an ecologist, and has had a number of scientific papers and book chapters published. He lives in Annapolis, Maryland with his wife Karen and two miniature schnauzers. He enjoys traveling and has visited all seven continents.

For book samples, short stories, and more, visit my 
Website

Twitter Tags: 
@savethereefs @RRBookTours1 #RRBookTours

IG Tags: 
@t_warbler @rrbooktours #rrbooktours #thecouncil

Book Tour Schedule
November 28th
R&R Book Tours (Kick-Off) http://rrbooktours.com
Reads & Reels (Spotlight) http://readsandreels.com
@latishaslowkeylife (Spotlight) https://www.instagram.com/latishaslowkeylife/
Books Blog (Spotlight) https://www.booksblog.co.uk/
November 29th
Liliyana Shadowlyn (Review) https://lshadowlynauthor.com/
The Faerie Review (Spotlight) http://www.thefaeriereview.com
@witchinglybookish (Spotlight) https://www.instagram.com/witchinglybookish/
Cocktails & Fairytales (Spotlight) https://www.facebook.com/CocktailsFairytales
November 30th
Lady Hawkeye (Spotlight) https://www.ladyhawkeye.com/
@accio_mischief (Spotlight) https://www.instagram.com/accio_mischief/
Stine Writing (Spotlight) https://christinebialczak.com/
December 1st
I Smell Sheep (Spotlight) http://www.ismellsheep.com/
@margiebythebookcase (Spotlight) https://www.instagram.com/margiebythebookcase/
Rambling Mads (Spotlight) http://ramblingmads.com
Book Reviews by Taylor (Spotlight) https://www.bookreviewsbytaylor.com/
December 2nd
@adlynsreadingcorner (Spotlight) https://www.instagram.com/adlynsreadingcorner/
Bunny’s Reviews (Spotlight) https://bookwormbunnyreviews.blogspot.com/

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Monday, May 2, 2022

Bizarro Crime Horror Story: Absolute Unit by Nick Kolakowski

by Nick Kolakowski
July 29, 2021
Genre: Humorous Dark Comedy, Horror Comedy, Literary Satire Fiction
141 pages
Absolute Unit is a dark carnival ride through the underside of the American Dream, where hustlers and parasites fight to survive against gun-toting furries, sarcastic drug kingpins, old ladies who are startlingly good with knives, and angry ex-girlfriends. It’s a hardboiled slice of modern American horror that asks the deepest question of all: Is the human race worth saving?

Bill is a nobody, a health inspector who’s not above taking a few dollars to overlook a restaurant’s mouse problem, and hated by nearly everyone except his long-suffering girlfriend. His nephew, Trent, isn’t much better: sexually and morally confused, he’s probably the worst teenage con artist on the East Coast. But today, these two losers are going to become the most important people in the world.

That’s because Bill and Trent harbor a sentient parasite with a sarcastic sense of humor and a ravenous appetite. As the parasite figures out how to control its new human hosts, the focus of its desires grows from delicious cheeseburgers and beer to something much darker and more dangerous.

The apocalypse might come from within us…

Proudly represented by Crystal Lake Publishing—Tales from the Darkest Depths.

 “[This] bizarro crime horror story is a friggin’ blast, packed chock full of comedy, outrageousness, and violence.”—Michael Patrick Hicks, author of The Resurrectionists

“Action packed, gory, and hilarious. I loved it!” – Michelle Garza
“Gritty action, a unique narrator and lots of humor make this an absurdly fun-to-read novella. Absolute Unit was a fun, fast-paced mashup of horror, sci-fi and gritty thriller, and I had a blast reading it.”—Books, Bones, and Buffy

“…takes the basic concept of a thriller, dials up the body horror, and puts a blackly comedic twist on the whole thing, the end result being uniquely entertaining and gleefully bonkers.”— Richard Martin, Horror Oasis
About the Author:
Nick Kolakowski's work has appeared in The Washington Post, McSweeney's, Washington City Paper, Thuglit, Shotgun Honey, North American Review, The Evergreen Review, and Rust & Moth, among other venues. He lives in New York City.

Wednesday, December 22, 2021

Book Review: The Demon, The Hero, and The City of Seven (A Mal & Reg Novel of Widdershins Book 1) by A.E. Kincaid

The Demon, The Hero, and The City of Seven (A Mal & Reg Novel of Widdershins Book 1)
by A.E. Kincaid
December 14th, 2021
Genre: Fantasy/ Humorous Fantasy, satire, parody
Sometimes a little bad can do a lot of good.

What happens when good and evil collide?

They yell, “Ouch!”

When you’re a demon who’s been magically connected to a human for eternity, life is bound to be annoying. But when that human is also an inept hero who tosses his lunch whenever he gets stressed out? Breaking the connection becomes priority one.

Plus, there’s a mystery at the heart of their bond that needs unraveling. When the magical object that bound them broke, it weakened the barrier between Widdershins and the Underworld. The duo hopes to find a wizard in the City of Seven who will be able to help with both problems.

Follow along as our demon, Lord Malgon and our hero, Sir Reginald make themselves unwelcome with fairies, humans, dwarves and giants—all while racing to get to the City of Seven before Mal’s supremely evil brother.

In this debut humorous fantasy adventure novel, Kincaid pairs an endearing cast of characters with expert world-building and laugh-out-loud dialogue. The Demon, The Hero, and The City of Seven will leave a Mal and Reg-shaped stamp on your heart.

When I started reading this book, I couldn’t place the writing style. Was it beginner’s prose? Urban fantasy? Definitely not novel-like. Then about 10% into the read, it hit me what was familiar. It read like a bedtime fable you might tell your children (only longer). Once upon a time, there was a demon and a Hero…..yes, that’s it.

Heralded as comic relief, I didn’t necessarily laugh aloud but found myself smiling and drawing comparisons to the British TV series with David Tennant and Michael Sheen. Two ends of the spectrum personalities magicked to be bound together for life unless they can repair a broken stone.

Their journey to find help with the Grand Wizard is fraught with frustration and many perils that they have to escape. Giants, dwarves, spiders….ughhh. As I read, I could see the kid’s reactions and the storyteller’s embellishment.

Of course, there is an underlying life lesson here too. Can people have good influences on each other if spending time together even with insurmountable differences? You’ll have to pick this one up to find out…maybe get a new story to tell at storytime.

I enjoyed this book as soon as my correct mindset kicked in, and I looked at it for what I thought it to be.

Getting 3.5 “good omen” sheep.





JeanieG

Excerpt
In my 550 years of existence, I’m not sure I’ve ever met anyone who exasperates me more than Sir Reginald P. Asstradle, the ersatz Hero of Widdershins. When he speaks, I imagine drop-kicking him off a cliff. When he snores, I fantasize tossing him into a fiery volcano.
Don’t get me wrong—he’s a good lad. For a human, anyway. But when you are magically entangled with another being in such a way that putting just a few yards’ distance between the two of you triggers the spell to physically smash you back together? That can wear on anyone’s nerves. Like my nerves, for example. Right now.


About the Author
By day I am the Creative Director at a branding studio in Iowa. By night I write humorous fantasy novels. In between I drink coffee to keep up with a small human, and try to convince my cat she’s not as great at dictation as she thinks she is. The Demon, The Hero, and the City of Seven is my first published novel.

Book Tour Schedule
December 20th
R&R Book Tours (Kick-Off) http://rrbooktours.com
Reads & Reels (Spotlight) http://readsandreels.com
Balancing Books & Beauty (Review) https://balancingbooksandbeauties.wordpress.com/
B is for Book Review (Spotlight) https://bforbookreview.wordpress.com
*Jessica Belmont (Spotlight) https://jessicabelmont.com/
December 21st
The Write Start (Interview) https://www.thewritestart.net/
Bunny’s Book Reviews (Review) https://bookwormbunnyreviews.blogspot.com/
December 22nd
@hoardingbooks.herdingcats (Review) https://www.instagram.com/hoardingbooks.herdingcats/
The Livi Chronicles (Review) https://livibrooksbooks.wixsite.com/website
December 23rd
Sadie’s Spotlights (Interview) http://sadiesspotlight.com/
@2manybooks2littletime (Review) https://www.instagram.com/2manybooks2littletime/
I Smell Sheep (Review) http://www.ismellsheep.com/
Liliyana Shadowlyn (Review) https://lshadowlynauthor.com/
December 24th
@librarybookmum_budgettale (Review) https://www.instagram.com/librarybookmum_budgettales/
@gryffindorbookishnerd (Review) https://www.instagram.com/gryffindorbookishnerd/
Rambling Mads (Spotlight) http://ramblingmads.com
Sophril Reads (Spotlight) http://sophrilreads.wordpress.com


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Wednesday, June 16, 2021

Audiobook Review: Creature Feature: A Horrid Comedy by Steven Paul Leiva

CREATURE FEATURE--named a top book of 2020 by the Montreal Times, Steven Paul Leiva's horrid comedy is now being turned into an audiobook, read by Seamus Dever (better known as Detective Kevin Ryan on ABC's CASTLE) and Juliana Dever (known as Jenny Ryan on ABC's CASTLE)

by Steven Paul Leiva
Narrated by: Seamus Dever and Juliana Dever
April 13, 2021
Estimated Length: 4.4 hours
Publisher: Magpie Press; (Spring 2021)
Publication Date: TBD
Genre: Horror/Comedy
Language: English
Available on Amazon, Audible, and iTunes

THERE IS SOMETHING STRANGE HAPPENING IN PLACIDVILLE!

It is 1962. Kathy Anderson, a serious actress who took her training at the Actors Studio in New York, is stuck playing Vivacia, the Vampire Woman on Vivacia’s House of Horrors for a local Chicago TV station.

Finally fed up showing old monster movies to creature feature fans, she quits and heads to New York and the fame and footlights of Broadway.

She stops off to visit her parents and old friends in Placidville, the all-Ameican, middle-class, blissfully normal Midwest small town she grew up in.

But she finds things are strange in Placidville.

Kathy’s parents, her best friend from high school, the local druggist, even the Oberhausen twins are all acting curiously creepy, odiously odd, and wholly weird. Especially the town’s super geeky nerd, Gerald, who warns of dark days ahead.

Has Kathy entered a zone in the twilight? Did she reach the limits that are outer? Has she fallen through a mirror that is black? Or is it just—just—politics as usual!

"Steven Leiva not only promises but delivers. Bravo!" -- Ray Bradbury, Author of Fahrenheit 451 and The Martian Chronicles.
$.99 ebook/free on KU

This is the first time I have reviewed an audiobook even though I listen frequently while traveling (or cleaning house). It was also my first foray into this comedy-horror style and I must say after acclimating myself with the first chapter I decided I would hang in there and see where this was headed.

Outrageous, fantastical, eye-rolling, teenage boy-type storytelling in the dark or maybe sitting around a radio program in the ’50s are some of the thoughts that came to my mind. Mindless would be another...ha. 

A young actress returns to her hometown to find it overtaken with 6th-dimensional creatures and she is clueless until she becomes their “personal choice” for leader to help take over the world. See...fantastical plot.

But never fear, there is also a geek hero to help save the day with his outrageous inventions (more young boy imagination)! I didn’t feel the “comedy” as straightforwardly as just whimsy and wit but the title “A Horrid Comedy” seems rather appropriate. Short listen and could be the right fit for a short drive to bring companionship and not a mind-boggling script.

The narrations were great and easily understood. I felt like if there were a few more “clang”, “bang”, “shoe clops” and old-time sound effects I would have no problem imagining myself in front of that radio listening to a “horrid” short of “War of the Worlds”.

Getting 4 whimsical sheep from me.





Jeanie G

About the Author:
A refugee from the silly fields of Hollywood where he cavorted with such luminaries as Bugs Bunny and Betty Boop (although the latter was but a brief affair), Steven Paul Leiva has authored nine novels and one novella since 2003. His work has been praised by literary great Ray Bradbury, Oscar-winning film producer Richard Zanuck, NY Times bestselling author and Pulitzer Prize finalist Diane Ackerman, and Star Trek actor John Billingsley, the greatest bookworm in Hollywood. He has received the Scribe Award from the International Association of Media Tie-in Writers. A traveler among several genres, his books include his witty Hollywood thrillers, BLOOD IS PRETTY and HOLLYWOOD IS AN ALL-VOLUNTEER ARMY, his novelization of the indie family film; the Scribe Award-winning 12 DOGS OF CHRISTMAS; his Sci-Fi satire of first-contact told from the point-of-view of the aliens, TRAVELING IN SPACE; his comic look at happy-ever-afters, BY THE SEA; his surreal political fantasia, IMP; his bizarre, possibly audacious, somewhat Sci-Fi novella, MADE ON THE MOON; JOURNEY TO WHERE, a contemporary "scientific romance" written in the tradition of H.G. Wells and Jules Vern; CREATURE FEATURE: A HORRID COMEDY; and his latest, BULLY 4 LOVE, a rather odd love story

Voice actors

Friday, August 21, 2020

Excerpt: Being Alert by Charlie Laidlaw + giveaway


Happy publication day to author Charlie Laidlaw! Today marks the release of searing satire, Being Alert, and I have a sneak peek for you as well as a chance to win a digital copy of the book! 

by Charlie Laidlaw
August 21st, 2020
270 pages
Genre: Satire 
The book, which begins in January 2020, follows in a long tradition of British satire, as the British prime minister, Winston Spragg, first learns about a new virus that seems to be centred in a city in China that nobody has heard of. 

The book populates Downing Street and Whitehall with an inept prime minister presiding over a dysfunctional government as it deals with an existential threat that rapidly becomes a national crisis. It remains true to the timeline of Covid-19 and the government’s response to it, including its failure to lock down sooner, secure adequate supplies of protective equipment or protect the care sector. 

Like satires before it, the book uses humour to paint an uncomfortable picture of a government in crisis, and seemingly as concerned about justifying itself as working to suppress the virus. As the book progresses, with a mounting death toll, I hope the book strikes a changing balance as both a month-by-month narrative about the virus and a comedy to mirror unfolding events. 

As the country emerges into a new normal, the country will inevitably want to know why, per head of population, we have suffered worse than any other European country. Being Alert! provides the perfect outlet, not just to ask very real questions of government but to use humour as a satirical and healing tool. 
Add to Goodreads
Available on Amazon US and Amazon UK

Excerpt:
In late February, according to a Sunday Times report, at a private event, the Prime Minister’s chief advisor outlined the government’s strategy at the time and which was summarised by someone present as ‘herd immunity, protect the economy, and if that means some pensioners die, too bad.’

In early March, the Prime Minister told the nation that, while the virus was likely to become a more significant problem, ‘this country is very, very well prepared. However, the final sentence of his message didn’t appear on his official Twitter page: “I wish to stress that, at the moment, it is very important that people consider that they should, as far as possible, go about business as usual.’


By and large, Derek Goings was both universally loathed and feared. It was assumed that he either had access to supernatural forces or was, in fact, one of the Undead. Even the Archbishop of Westminster would cross himself when the two met, which was rarely – at the archbishop’s request. Partly, he was loathed because of his role as the PM’s chief advisor, with almost permanent access to the Prime Minister’s ear. Partly, it was also because the PM usually did what his advisor told him to do, and that this was somehow undemocratic. Partly, too, it was because he smelled of sulphur. Nobody could therefore understand how he was married, shared a marital bed and had fathered a child. However, the sceptics pointed out, only his marriage was a matter of record. Whether he slept with his wife, and who the father of his child was, were grey areas best not explored.

Derek, his critics often complained, although never to his face or to his few friends, had somehow appeared from nowhere. One minute, nobody had ever heard of him; the next minute, his name, and the smell of the underworld, was everywhere. Derek’s great achievement, agreed on by friends and foes, was to have leaped successfully onto the political stage without ever having done anything useful. Okay, he had once helped a relative run a nightclub in the north of England, and never mind that it had been voted the second-worst in Europe. (The worst subsequently burned down, accidentally or on purpose, handing the crown to Derek’s relative). Okay, he had also tried to start an airline in either Prague or Moscow (nobody was entirely sure which) but that hadn’t got off the ground, either literally or metaphorically.

Having therefore done nothing of note, he then appeared as if in a puff of black and menacing smoke on the Westminster stage, immediately making enemies of virtually everyone. However, having enemies only seemed to increase his powers because, say what you might about him, he did get things done. In a Whitehall dominated by men in grey suits, and all either from Oxbridge or interbred, the proper way to get things done had always been the old-fashioned way. After all, the British way was the traditional way; decisions were made over Pimm’s at Wimbledon; gin and tonics at Twickenham, and whatever was available at Henley. Decisions were rarely made in Whitehall, where they were supposed to be made. Derek, of course, thought otherwise, facing up to the grey suits in either jeans or tracksuit, with a mission to bring the British Civil Service at least into the 20th century. Perhaps, even for him, the 21st century was too big a task, at least for now. This wrecking-ball of a man, with his glittering career in night-time entertainment and air travel, therefore brought him into endless conflict with the mandarins who were supposed to be running the country.

Derek’s meteoric rise through the government’s advisory ranks was extraordinary; so too the growth of his reputation as someone who could end a political career with the merest nod of his head. He was, it was agreed, either Machiavellian or Svengalian – generally the former, because few civil servants or politicians had ever read a 19th century novel, and therefore didn’t quite know who Svengali was.

Kevin Kock was, of course, all too aware of the PM’s advisor, having been in numerous meetings with him and having seen how even the most confident minister could be brought to his or, sometimes, her knees with a cursory glance. It was therefore with alarm bordering on panic that he received the news from his Permanent Secretary that Derek Goings was on his way round for a ‘bit of a chin-wag.’

“But I’m busy,” he’d squeaked to Sir Roger.

“No, you’re not. I manage your diary, Minister.”

The Health Secretary could have said that he had a completely separate diary in which he, as Health Secretary, kept his Top Secret meetings; or that he was ill; or could have chosen from any one of the many excuses that he’d used over the years, mostly to cover up his blood and germ phobias. Now, of course, thanks to his Permanent Secretary, his alien life-form phobia because, in his mind, Covid-19 was now sentient and possibly intelligent – like a jellyfish, but with a more deadly sting. He then spent some minutes spraying his office with air freshener and disinfectant, and covering his desk with large piles of files. He even undid the top button of his shirt to demonstrate his dedication to the British people except, of course, Derek Goings.

His arrival was signalled, not by a deferential knock on his office door or a bleep from his internal phone, but by the smell of decay. The Health Secretary closed his eyes for just a moment and took several deep breaths only to find, when he opened his eyes again, that the PM’s advisor was already standing on the other side of his desk.

“Derek, good gracious! How nice to see you!” The Health Secretary automatically stuck out a hand, before realising that Derek Goings still had both hands in the pockets of his jeans. Only the Prime Minister was still shaking everyone’s hand, particularly on hospital visits.

The PM’s advisor sat in the chair opposite and sniffed the air. “Very wise,” he remarked. “As Health Secretary, it’s good to see that you’re setting an example.”

“Am I?”

“You can’t be too careful, Minister, because you never know who might be harbouring infection. Sterilising your office is possibly or probably a good thing.” The advisor’s eyes, hidden behind dark glasses, were black discs. His soft voice carried with it both menace and good hygienic advice.

“Am I to assume that you’re here for a reason?” the Health Secretary asked, hoping to sound business-like and brusque, having rehearsed this opening line as he sprayed the room. “Because I am, as I’m sure you are, rather busy.”

“No, you’re not, Health Secretary. I looked at your diary.”

“Sir Roger had no right….”

“I have every right, Minister.”

Before Kevin could think of a suitably outraged reply, there was a soft knock on the door and Sir Roger himself appeared, carrying a notebook. Without asking, he took the other available seat next to Derek and neatly crossed his legs.

“I am here, Minister, to determine whether this country is prepared.” The PM’s advisor’s voice was barely a whisper. “After all, we are now beginning to see the first Covid-19 fatalities on British soil.”

“I did know that, Derek.”

“We will certainly see more fatalities, Minister, which brings me neatly to the reason why I am here. I merely wish to determine if you have made adequate preparations. Particularly the provision of personal protective equipment.”

This was a question that the Health Secretary, even panic-stricken, had foreseen.  “Of course, Derek. We have, for example, a reserve of over one billion items of PPE. One billion, Derek.” The Health Secretary smiled brightly at his nemesis on the other side of the desk, using the advisor’s first name twice in the space of a few seconds, a useful trick that he’d learned on some management course he’d attended. Sir Roger picked imaginary spots of dust from his immaculate trousers and looked out the window.

“Yet, I am led to believe, Minister, that this figure includes things like cleaning products, waste bags, detergents and paper towels,” said the advisor, still in his stage whisper.

“Does it?” replied Kevin. “I mean, yes it does. At least, possibly it does. But a billion is still rather a lot of stuff, I’m sure you would agree.”

“Not necessarily,” said the advisor. “For example, your inventory lists 547 million protective gloves.”

“So?”

“So, a more accurate figure would be 273.5 million pairs of gloves, or am I missing something?”

“Pairs of gloves?”

“Your inventory lists each glove separately.”

The Health Secretary looked wildly at his Permanent Secretary, who merely shrugged. “I did send you the inventory last year, Minister. Which you approved,” he added with a smile.

“Well, you know what they say, Derek.”

“No, I don’t know what they say, Minister.”

“That there are only three kinds of people in the world. Those who can count, and those who can’t.” The Health Secretary gave a small laugh, which wasn’t echoed from across the table.

“I hardly think that this is a time for levity, Minister.” The smell of sulphur had risen several notches, and a green vapour seemed to be filling the room. “I also just hope the media don’t get hold of the story. I dread to think what Panorama would make of it.”

“I’m sure they won’t, Derek.”

“However, if things deteriorate, PPE will get eaten up pretty quickly,” said the advisor, whose eyes had never left Kevin’s face, or maybe they had because, behind dark glasses, he could be looking anywhere.

“We are, of course, setting up new procurement channels to ensure against any and every contingency, aren’t we, Sir Roger?”

His Permanent Secretary shifted uncomfortably in his seat. “Of course, Minister,” and then actually wrote something in his notebook.

“Very well, then I will assume that you have the needs of the health service and its gallant staff fully covered. But what about the care sector?”

“What about the care sector?” asked the Health Secretary.

The advisor was quiet for a moment. “Well, you are the person responsible for it.”

“What!” Kevin almost pushed himself upright.

“You are, as I assume you must realise, Secretary of State for Health and Social Care.”

“What!”

Sir Roger cleared his throat. “I did send you a memo, Minister.”
About the Author:
I was born in Paisley, central Scotland, which wasn’t my fault. That week, Eddie Calvert with Norrie Paramor and his Orchestra were Top of the Pops, with Oh, Mein Papa, as sung by a young German woman remembering her once-famous clown father. That gives a clue to my age, not my musical taste. I was brought up in the west of Scotland and graduated from the University of Edinburgh. I still have the scroll, but it’s in Latin, so it could say anything. I then worked briefly as a street actor, baby photographer, puppeteer and restaurant dogsbody before becoming a journalist. I started in Glasgow and ended up in London, covering news, features and politics. I interviewed motorbike ace Barry Sheene, Noel Edmonds threatened me with legal action and, because of a bureaucratic muddle, I was ordered out of Greece. I then took a year to travel round the world, visiting 19 countries. Highlights included being threatened by a man with a gun in Dubai, being given an armed bodyguard by the PLO in Beirut (not the same person with a gun), and visiting Robert Louis Stevenson’s grave in Samoa. What I did for the rest of the year I can’t quite remember Surprisingly, I was approached by a government agency to work in intelligence, which just shows how shoddy government recruitment was back then. However, it turned out to be very boring and I don’t like vodka martini. Craving excitement and adventure, I ended up as a PR consultant, which is the fate of all journalists who haven’t won a Pulitzer Prize, and I’ve still to listen to Oh, Mein Papa. I am married with two grown-up children and live in central Scotland. And that’s about it.

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Wednesday, January 15, 2020

Excerpt: What to Do About POTASS: A Comedic Novella of Political Errors Publication by Dr. Glenn Shephard

Welcome to the blog tour for What to Do About POTASS, a hilarious political satire by Glenn Shepard! Read on for more details and an exclusive excerpt!

What to Do About POTASS: A Comedic Novella of Political Errors Publication
by Dr. Glenn Shephard
October 4th, 2019 
Genre: Political Satire/ Comedy/ Novella 
Tongue-in-cheek satire that will have you laughing out loud!


What To Do About POTASS tells the story of the bumbling antics of legislators and The President or, as he is known in the book, POTASS.

When Capitol Hill maintenance worker Thomas Wilson (or Will Thompson, as POTASS calls him) overhears different groups of legislators scheming about saving the country through various plots, he believes it’s incumbent on him to notify The President, who has recently hired him part-time to collect press clippings. But The President dismisses Wilson’s pleas. Will the legislators bungle their way to greater disaster or can they succeed in their efforts to rescue the country? Where does Thomas Wilson fit in? How will they all ultimately decide What To Do About POTASS? Read this book to find out!

This new novella is the first comedic endeavor for surgeon-turned-thriller-author Glenn Shepard (Dr. Scott James Thriller Series, including The Missile Game, The Zombie Game, The Ebola Game, and The Encryption Game). Ever with an aim to heal, in What To Do About POTASS Dr. Shepard offers the sorely needed medicine of comic relief in this politically divisive age.

Excerpt:
“I like Diet Cokes.” The President pointed to the button. “This guy brings a Diet Coke each time I press it, at least eighteen times a day. Diet Coke stimulates my whole body and my brain as well. It improves my performance, which I need to stay on top of everything I do. I drink one before my every tweet. In fact, during my most productive days, when I do two dozen tweets in an evening, I just about pop from the heavy intake.” He laughed.

***

“How about I bring you a hamburger for dinner tonight, one of those monster burgers with onion rings and bacon? That’ll get your mind flowing strong again. And I have a few ideas to float, if you are in the mood to listen.”

The President looked up and nodded slowly. “The burger sounds good, but I want two of them, with a double order of French fries. And I don’t know if I want to hear your ideas or not. There are just too many people who seem to think they know better than I how to run this country. I’ll have burgers delivered to the West Gate at six. Pick them up and return here. Just come in. No need to knock since I’ll know it’s you.”

***

Wilson awakened in the morning with a start. He looked around and saw that he was in The President’s office, lying on a sofa that was not a part of the office yesterday. The President was there reading at his desk.

Wilson sat up and rubbed his eyes. “Where are all the people that were here last night?”

“I dunno. I hope Congress is in session today, but no one has told me that.” A President who was so warm and open to Wilson last night was coldly indifferent, like someone else.


 
About the Author:
website
GLENN SHEPARD is the author of The Missile Game and The Zombie Game. His first novel, Surge, was written while he was still a surgical resident at Vanderbilt. In the following years he wrote The Hart Virus, a one-thousand-page epic about the AIDS crisis, as well as three other novels. In 2008, he created “Dr. Scott James,” his Fugitive-like action-hero, and began publishing the series. The first volume of the Dr. Scott James series was originally released as Not For Profit, but was later changed to The Missile Game.

Born on a farm in eastern Virginia, Dr. Shepard lives and maintains a thriving plastic surgery practice in Williamsburg. The third volume of The Dr. Scott James Thriller Series, The Ebola Game, is due out this year, through Mystery House. 

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