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Friday, March 12, 2021

Interview: UF Author Jimmie Christo (Vampire Joe) + giveaway

What is something unique/quirky about you?
I catch falling objects before I’m aware they’re falling, which is good, because I can be incredibly clumsy.

Tell us something really interesting that's happened to you!
A barefoot shaman (I found this out later) was passing me at my caf√© table as I read the paper. He stopped, looked at me with a seriousness that can only be described as deranged intensity, and said “You’re supposed to be writing books! So go write books!” before continuing along as if nothing had happened.

Where were you born/grew up at?
I was born in Carlton, Melbourne, and grew up in St Kilda, Windsor, and Prahran.

What are you passionate about these days?
I love landscaping, sculpting, making furniture, veganism and the benefits of vaping

Describe yourself in 5 words or less!
Outspoken, decadent, benevolent, hilarious, scandalous.

Do you have a favorite movie?
Fight Club

As a writer, what would you choose as your mascot/avatar/spirit animal?
Two wise, knowing eyeballs floating in a pickle jar.

Can you tell us a little bit about the characters in Vampire Joe?
Yeah okay, So Joe is an antisocial junkie with parental issues. He becomes a vampire through no fault of his own, perhaps, and he has to learn how to navigate the world of people again. He is brash, selfish, egotistical yet self loathing. I think he was in the process of punishing himself to death for wasting his talents when he was transformed, and his expected or perceived morality as a vampire comes into conflict with his actual morality, which he is only just having to now define. A decadent reprobate, vampiring becomes him, slowly.

What did you enjoy most about writing this book?
Oh my god I laughed so hard writing this I was asked to leave the library more than once. I discovered that I am actually pretty funny.

Who designed your book covers?
Alexander Marinov, he is a Bulgarian art student who works with digital art tools, he did an absolutely fantastic job, I wanted James Dean’s strut with James Franco’s broodiness, in an alleyway covered in blood. I think he nailed it!

If your book was made into a film, who would you like to play the lead?
James Franco, for sure! In saying that, I pictured a young Sam Rockwell as I wrote it, but he is too old now.

Advice you would give new authors?
The first 200 words in any day are the most important, and it is a super easy minimum goal. If you only write 200 words a day as a daily practice, you will write a book in 500 days. If you write 200 words, your flow will flow, and you will hit 5k words without blinking.

Also, use to increase your reading speed, and you must must must get your typing speed up. Something happens when you approach 80 to 100wpm, you begin to stream consciousness and you might find the words are up on the screen before you get a chance to think about them too much. When you get to that, its like you’re reading new words on the screen.

Describe your writing style.
Seat of ma frickin pants! I have a vague idea where the storys headed, but stuff always crops up to divert it, change the moods, change the motivations, force the characters to react. About five to seven chapters from the end I know what’s left, what has to be done, what will be left open etc and I plot out the remaining chapters with a short chapter summary

Vampire Joe
by Jimmie Christo
June 1, 2019
Genre: Humorous Urban Fantasy
Do you even know how much of a pain becoming a vampire is?

All Joe ever wanted was to shoot up some smack, sit in his apartment, listen to some Nick Cave and be left the hell alone.

Now he has to cope with his addictions, his dealer, a new girlfriend,, the mafia, the cops, his christian minister AND an unquenchable thirst for human blood.

How the hell does life get harder AFTER you die!?

Review from the 28th Annual Writer’s Digest Self-Published Book Awards:
There was absolutely nothing conventional about this novel or its author. The author bio is unique – I’ve never encountered something so demeaning yet at the same time funny and strangely endearing. And as for the book? This is a very different take on the vampire theme as we encounter a no-good, drug-addicted lay-about gain immortality and bring other equally antisocial undesirables into the fold. You really want to despise the main character for his attitude, drug abuse, filthy language, squalid and nasty lifestyle and sexism – I wanted to hate him on sight, yet the author manages to draw you into his world and actually start pulling for him. I didn’t even want to read any more at one point as the excessive use of foul language and vulgarity seemed gratuitous. But then my eyes and ears have witnessed much worse, including Trainspotting, and that was a masterpiece. So the author is a skillful writer in the way he manages to drag you kicking and screaming into the story and start actually liking and sympathizing with some of the people. Jimmie Christo is a master at character development humanizing the most deplorably diabolically sick characters. I found myself happily reading right through to the end, tightly clutching my pearls as I eagerly flipped through the pages. The dialogue is well-written, vulgarities and all, the plot is face-paced, the cover is striking in its simplicity, and overall a good read – it’s one I definitely won’t forget!

About the Author

Born in Carlton in 1979, Jimmie Christo is an author of the lowest calibre.

A criminal since birth (he stole his mother's heart), he grew in the care of the state until he was 18, whereby said state awarded him the Keys to the Universe (citation needed) after imparting no life skills.

He has literally been using the word literally literally, literally all his life (figuratively speaking) and is a pain in the arse most of the time.

He spent four years in jail for crimes he didn't really commit to, namely trafficking (We believe the plan was to consume the whole volume in it's entirety himself, although it was too large an amount for anyone not completely ravaged by addiction to comprehend as such), posession, weapons, burglary and being a not very nice person.

While incarcerated at Her Majesty's Pleasure, determined to get more out of them than they took from him, he wrote a whole bunch of books and movies. Also, he may have changed his outlook on his existence. That said, he is not returning the Keys.

Vampire Joe is his first published work, read by eleven people to critical acclaim. Everyone else who read it said it was vile rubbish.

He has also written YA sci-fi and children's novels, understandably under a much nicer alter ego, keeping grown-up stuff like Joe separate.

$50 Amazon
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  1. I didn't know about this book, I already want to read it.

  2. I have to admit the author bio makes me want to read the book even more.

  3. I will not buy a book after I have heard what this guy actually does

  4. So it’s a book by some one who burgled ppl and also trafficked drugs ,, after other things I have heard about what this individual has said to people , I would say this book is not a great purchase ,,, no thanks don’t send me one

  5. Seems like meth ramblings with little talent ,, reminds me of gaslighting stories to make yourself sound good and all , it’s amazing how drugs can make ppl very manipulative in life and make them have a sense of extreme importance whilst making up stories

  6. And has written books for kids it says ,,, wow I bet they are amazing considering this book is all about drugs ,,, would presume that’s a bad mix aye and horrible influence

  7. Ppl who have factually been in the system would very rarely glorify such stories ,, this book is a silly attempt to sound cool making a mockery of those ppl who in real life have faced adversity,,, through addiction ,,, then again sitting on a couch on meth one does try lol

  8. Ppl who have had a heroin addiction would not glorify it ,, type of literature you maybe would think is cool when your 16 ,

  9. Why would I buy a book that glorifies addiction ,,,

  10. Vampires are like leeches I think

  11. Drugs ,, really paving the way for failure ,, nothing to glorify ,, you end up trying to sell things on facebook market place ,, selling your soul body and spirit ,, drugs damage lives ,, nothing cool trying to sound like a self righteous vogue drug addict if you have never lived that life ,,, just making up stories ,,, can get creative as you want smoking drugs and eating take away but in the end it’s all toxic ,,, it turns ppl into spiritual vampires ,, deep down weak characters living in fantasy

    1. Dress up like some James dean vampire thinking drug addiction is cool , you can just imagine this character not existing and is joke ,, ppl who have been in active addiction would not glorify addiction or try and make others addictions sound cool or even write about stuff they don’t know ,about , it’s a real put down to those who have in reality been addicted to heroin ,,

  12. Imagine liking fight club , pretending to be a heroin addict and acting like your cool lol ,, because that’s what you thought of when high after you watch trainspotting and making up sons history that you have had such a bad life

    It’s a total insult to ppl who come from those places in life

  13. Yeah I really fell into character just took some drugs and now I think I am cool man ,, I say others are toxic , string them along with drugs and just ate some pasta , I am of such strong character

    It’s not like drugs stuff up ppl lives , but the reality is it does and using drugs to control ppl is lame

  14. Ppl that have been through the system in reality and not in fantasy don’t think it’s cool ,, ppl that have been addicted to heroin in reality and not fantasy don’t think it’s cool ,, it’s really paving a toxic life for real ,, and to think that and to believe it’s impressive is a sure bet of an immature and toxic mindset .

    You hear the words coming out of my mouth

    Vaping and smoking is bad enough for your health let alone pretending injecting opiates is cool

    1. Cool as ,, I should read it in detox as I slash up and blood go s everywhere like a vampire ,, or even use those needle things for more authenticity ,, anyway until then I should have another pipe or vape , even though they are greasy with pasta residue on them as I listen to Britney Spears toxic

  15. Amazing stuff the struggles of a heroin addict ,, I even cut my hair like Tom Shelby to then pretend I have ptsd ,,, Meth on and write with speed and grind those teeth till they move ,,, heroin addiction is no good for the health ,,, I was walking with a wonky leg ,,, heroin addiction is no good and should not be glorified

  16. I’m feeling really hooked in as I plunge heroin in my arm and if I go on the nod I become a vampire you think ,, catching an addiction is no good ,, and a sad state of affairs ,, glorifying drug use with not much worldly experience is pathetic,, by reading the info on the author I am giving this a wide birth

  17. Shoot up some smack and nick cave ,, how cool l