GtPGKogPYT4p61R1biicqBXsUzo" /> Google+ Sheep Book Review: The Haunted Vagina by Carlton Mellick III | I Smell Sheep

Tuesday, February 21, 2012

Sheep Book Review: The Haunted Vagina by Carlton Mellick III

It's difficult to love a woman whose vagina is a gateway to the world of the dead...

Steve is madly in love with his eccentric girlfriend, Stacy. Unfortunately, their sex life has been suffering as of late, because Steve is worried about the odd noises that have been coming from Stacy's pubic region. She says that her vagina is haunted. She doesn't think it's that big of a deal. Steve, on the other hand, completely disagrees.

When a living corpse climbs out of her during an awkward night of sex, Stacy learns that her vagina is actually a doorway to another world. She persuades Steve to climb inside of her to explore this strange new place. But once inside, Steve finds it difficult to return... especially once he meets an oddly attractive woman named Fig, who lives within the lonely haunted world between Stacy's legs.

“It isn’t hard for her to persuade me. She knows I’ll do anything for her. The next thing I know, I’m back in her vagina, crawling through the flesh tunnel with a bag tied to my ankle.”

Mind. Blown. I picked up this novella for childish reasons. I mean, seriously…did you read the blurb? This was a truly bizarre story and unlike anything I have read before, I am so glad I tried it. This novella also introduced me to the wonderful genre called Bizarro. Mellick has information about this fascinating genre on his site along with all his titles, most of which I can’t post on our site, but wish I could cause they are a riot.

I was already rolling my eyes as I started the first page thinking WTH? But I quickly realized I had misjudged the book. Stacy has always heard voices from her vagina and as a child her imaginary friend (the girl on the cover) came from there. Steve loves her and will do anything for her, including spelunking into her vagina, although he is reluctant to do this for obvious reasons. Even Stacy doesn’t understand what is in there, but she figures if he can go in and explore, take pictures and maybe even hook up a live feed they can be famous. He finds another world in her womb where skeletons run around and a group of cartoon-like people live in a melted wrought-iron town. How Steve gets in there and what happens when he does is deliciously fun. Guys, I don’t think you will think of the female woo-hoo the same way after this one.

The story started out a little slow with detailed descriptions of Stacy and Steve’s sexual fetishes, but once the skeleton crawled out of her vagina things got fun. By the end of the story I really felt for these characters. It does get a little crude so if you have delicate sensibilities you might want to avoid this one and probably this genre. I can’t wait to read more from Mellick and explore the Bizarro genre.

4 “you want me to do what?!” Sheep
SharonS (edited by Kalpar)

Where to find Carlton Mellick

This is from Mellick's website:

1. Bizarro, simply put, is the genre of the weird.

2. Bizarro is literature's equivalent to the cult section at the video store.

3. Like cult movies, Bizarro is sometimes surreal, sometimes avant-garde, sometimes goofy, sometimes bloody, sometimes borderline pornographic, and almost always completely out there.

4. Bizarro strives not only to be strange, but fascinating, thought-provoking, and, above all, fun to read.
5. Bizarro often contains a certain cartoon logic that, when applied to the real world, creates an unstable universe where the bizarre becomes the norm and absurdities are made flesh.

6. Bizarro was created by a group of small press publishers in response to the increasing demand for (good) weird fiction and the increasing number of authors who specialize in it.

7. Bizarro is like:
Franz Kafka meets John Waters
Dr. Suess of the post-apocalypse
Takashi Miike meets William S. Burroughs
Alice in Wonderland for adults
Japanese animation directed by David Lynch

Even though the Bizarros are underground cult outsiders, they still have gained an incredible amount of respect in the publishing industry. Having been praised by the likes of Chuck Palahniuk, Christopher Moore, William Gibson, Piers Anthony, Michael Moorcock, and Charles de Lint, to name a few, as well as the publications Asimov's Science-fiction, The Magazine of Fantasy and Science-fiction, Cemetery Dance, Publishers Weekly, The Washington Post, The Guardian, and The Face, among many others. They have also been finalists for the Philip K Dick Award, the Bram Stoker Award, the Rhysling Award, and the Pushcart Prize.

Bizarro isn't just weird fiction, it is DAMN GOOD weird fiction. And it grows exponentially every single day, so, love it or hate it, you'll be seeing a lot more of it in the years to come.


  1. sheeesssshhh.. seriously??? oh my.. i don't know do i have the guts to read this one

  2. I know, right?! but it was fun to read. Graphic in some places, but no worse than some erotica. It is almost clinical .

  3. The title, cover and synopsis so funny. "...but once the skeleton crawled out of her vagina things got fun." Haha!

    Not sure if I'll ever read this one but I enjoyed reading your review of it :-)

    Paranormal Haven

    1. lol, sometimes the title and blurb are just to much to resist, since it was a novella I figured why not! thanks for commenting :)

  4. Have to say I've never seen anything close to that title! Heh!
    Interesting set up!

    1. I have my hands in many different genres so I come across some wild things :)You should see some of the movie posters I have found on Pintrest! hysterical

  5. Ok, I have to say I read Horror, Erotica, paranormal and romance and did not know about Bizarro. How in the world did I not know about this? I'm up for it..Sounds like an interesting read to me.

    1. exactly! check out the author's website for more info about it, plus other authors. the covers and titles are priceless.

  6. I tried to read Zombies and Shit, but wasn't very impressed by the writing or the story I must confess.

    1. the writing isn't very poetic that's for sure. Kind of clipped and blunt sounding, like noir I guess. I don't know if it is just the novelty of it, but I enjoyed this one.

  7. Well that was just bizarro LOL Don't know if my delicate sensibilities could takes it, but what the hey I need a good chuckle and this sounds like it might just meet the bill. Thanks for taking the time to share and educate us little sheeplets out here :)