Movie Review: Battleship - a double review

"Milton Bradley's enduringly popular strategic board game makes the leap to the big screen in Hancock director Peter Berg's epic sci-fi adventure pitting an international naval fleet against an army of invading aliens. When the two forces find themselves evenly matched, each must rely on strategy and cunning in order to emerge the victor. Taylor Kitsch and Alexander Skarsgard head-up a cast also featuring Liam Neeson, Rihanna, Brooklyn Decker, and Tadanobu Asano."  Directed by Peter Berg.

Who knew a board game of pegs could conjure up such a vision! And a fun one at that. The graphics and CGI effects were grandiose and (in my opinion) nicely done. There was one bone I had to pick, and it seems so silly but it bugged me; the shark they show in the water when panning down to show how deep the alien mothership was planted. Out of all the CGI work done, they throw in a terribly fake looking CGI shark. Shark aside; the movie has its tender moments, its funny moments, and it does a nice job of balancing the CGI action with the human scenes.

There are a little bit of man candy for the ladies, yes girls, Skarsgard and Kitsch get shirtless! Woo! For the men you have Brooklyn and her Deckers, and if you like silver foxes, there's Neeson who is in full Neeson-not-to-be-messed with mode. He is one boss man whose feathers I would NOT want to ruffle, that disapproving stare alone...understandable why Kitsch's character has trouble confronting him about situations. In a sea full of men I felt Rihanna held her own and did pretty well as Petty Officer Cora 'Weps' Raikes. The character I really liked (besides Kitsch's abs) was Jesse Plemons as Boatswain Mate Seaman Jimmy 'Ordy' Ord (who wins the award for having the longest title, yay Ordy!). Ordy was the most expressive and had the good lines. I felt he was one of the more genuine characters.

At one point I thought I was watching Titanic (you'll know the moment if you decide to see movie) and was waiting for some heartfelt tender moment between Captain Nagata and Kitsch's Lieutenant Hopper, alas I was let down when no such moment occurred. However worry not; there are tender moments for those who want more than just blowing up action. Such as during the 11th hour when the fleet returns to shore, hopefully to recruit the battleship (and museum) The USS Missouri. Cue awesome classic rock music! On board we find a crew of bad ass veterans who are ready to curb stomp these ridiculous aliens once and for all! In my opinion these fellas steal the rest of the show with their one liners and go-get-em' attitude. Of course it's the seniors who have to come save the young whipper snappers because someone (not you Kitsch!) decided to press some kind of button to unleash some outrageous alien war.

Yes, the fact that they made such a movie based off a board game (where the pieces are always getting lost and of course, you're barefoot walking around and oh! hello game piece that's now impaled into a foot!) at this capacity is pretty crazy. It's a far out concept but you know what... I thought it was a fun summer movie. I wouldn't give it an Oscar nod or anything, but it's a great way to beat the summer heat and get to see some $%@! blown up!

I give it 2.5 alien sheep heads

Sharon’s thoughts: 

I pretty much agree with everything Bunni said. I was thoroughly entertained for 2 hours. The special effects are heart thumping (the man effects are too <G>) and the music score is rocking! My problem was with the dialogue. OMG, so cheesy! I had to roll my eyes at some most parts, but it was with a smile on my face. This is like all those 1990’s Tom Cruise movies. You know, Top Gun and Days of Thunder? My husband was quite pleased with it. If you like action movies then this is one you don’t want to miss. Come ready to smile, roll your eyes and yell “BOO-YAH!”

I am being a little nicer and giving it 3.5 BOOM Sheep!

Sheep Movie Review: Battleship directed by Peter Berg

We have guest reviewer and Nerd, Paddy, sharing his thoughts on Battleship. Stay tuned for Katie's (man-candy) review once it opens in the States.

Battleship (12a)
Directed by: Peter Berg
Starring: Alexander Skarsgård, Brooklyn Decker and Liam Neeson
Running time: 131mins

Plot:

Peter Berg ('Hancock') produces and directs 'Battleship,' an epic action-adventure that unfolds across the seas, in the skies and over land as our planet fights for survival against a superior force. Based on Hasbro's classic naval combat game, 'Battleship' stars Taylor Kitsch as Lt. Alex Hopper, a Naval officer assigned to the USS John Paul Jones; Brooklyn Decker as Sam Shane, a physical therapist and Hopper's fiancee; Alexander Skarsgard as Hopper's older brother, Stone, Commanding Officer of the USS Sampson; Rihanna as Petty Officer Raikes, Hopper's crewmate and a weapons specialist on the USS John Paul Jones; and international superstar Liam Neeson as Hopper and Stone's superior (and Sam's father), Admiral Shane.

IT’S been a disappointing start to the blockbuster season this year. John Carter, while not necessarily a bad film, underperformed and Wrath Of The Titans was somehow even more wretched than the first.

It’s fair to say that expectations are not exactly high for Battleship, a blockbuster based on a board game was never going to set the bar highly, but even that doesn’t excuse what we’re presented with here.

Playing like Battle: Los Angeles mixed with Transformers at sea, there’s nothing in here this is anything but a complete cliche.

The story, if you could call it that, centres on an alien fleet that intercepts a satellite message from Earth and decides to come here and throw their weight about. They obviously didn’t count on the sheer bravery and slow motion heroics of the brave boys and girls of the US Navy.
Anyone who has ever had a thought in their head will see through this mess of a film that feels like it has been made by committee.

While it’s never as bad as Michael Bay’s appalling Transformers films, it runs it fairly close at times. If there is any enjoyment to be had it’s in the action scenes that are admittedly impressive. Unfortunately they aren’t enough when you’re presented with one dimensional characters and a storyline that feels like it’s been written on the back of a beermat.

The cast are all perfunctory to say the least, with Liam Neeson continuing his run of dire movies that began with Taken and continued with low brow fare like The A-Team and Unknown.

Battleship fails to hit the target and sadly sinks without trace.

1 1/2 Sheep

Paddy Ryan-head over to http://www.followingthenerd.com/ for more Nerd-tastic reviews from Paddy and the rest of the Nerds.