I Smell Sheep and Greg Hall (The Funky Werepig) have been longtime besties. So when Greg asked me (Sharon) to do some voice acting on his podcast series, I said no way! But then he said he would buy me a mocha latte, and I flew up to PA to play Sister Agnes—the MoFo Superior in Dracula's Winkee!
Here is the story behind the story and check out the first three episodes already out.
(TW for podcast: naughty language and winkee/hooha references)
The True History of Dracula's Winkee
written by Greg Hall
New episode every Sunday.
Dracula's Winkee Ep 1- The Undead Have No Retirement Plan
Dracula's Winkee Ep 2- All Paranormal & No Romance Makes Drac a Dull Boy
Dracula's Winkee Ep 3- Tonight's Menu- Green Tea, Sticky Buns, & Death!
Long ago, in the 2000’s, I was a guest on a ‘paranormal romance’ radio show. The host and I debated the cravings of vampire erotica vs. vampires crave us as food. She said, “You aren’t a woman. You wouldn’t understand every woman fantasizes about having sex with a vampire!”
Instead of arguing Edward was closer to a Disney unicorn than to the horrifying monsters of legend, I simply replied, “Well, you aren’t a man. And it’s a fact men need blood flow to make their peepis happy. Blood flow is something vampires don’t have. They’re dead. Their hearts don’t beat. Add in that they’re room temperature, and your fantasy is to have sex with a cold, flaccid winkee.”
That one phrase caught on. Listeners repeated it. It was said on other shows. Told to me by fans. Didn’t realize it in the moment, but it was damn funny. And thus Dracula’s Winkee was born.
Many people remember the original run of Dracula’s Winkee as a serial on the popular horror website Choate Road. Others read Dracula’s Winkee in magazines, Funbooks, and Michael West’s brilliant anthology Vampires Don’t Sparkle. It became my most demanded live reading at conventions, spun into comedy skits, and actually made it as a series all the way to the top dogs at Adult Swim before falling short. The journey of Dracula’s Winkee has been a glorious one.
And it is all a lie. Because the truth couldn’t be told. Until now.
Dracula's Winkee
written by Greg Hall
In the summer of 2023, two brothers—Samuel and Ignatius Derriere-- were vacationing in Transylvania. One day, they spied an armadillo, a creature not indigenous to Europe. I know. How many balls they be trippin’?
They followed the animal as it scurried into a hidden cave. And there in clay jars, the brothers found some of the oldest recordings ever known. On the wax cylinders and 8-tracks, the voices spoke of lost love, ruthless enemies, and a Prince of Darkness who once made the world tremble.
The brothers soon realized they had discovered the audio diary of Dracula!
In what is believed to be the only recordings of Dracula’s actual voice, experts have pieced together a story centuries old.
A story that seems to continue today…
Amazon
Dracula's Winkee
The Funky Werepig
Gregory L Hall has a long history in comedy, improv, and as a radio/podcast personality. He’s a national Telly Award winner and creator/producer of the Baltimore Comedy Fest for Autism Awareness. But most know him for his live radio and now YouTube show, THE FUNKY WEREPIG. Greg enjoys speaking in 3rd person, so it doesn’t seem like his ego is as obnoxious as it truly is.
As a writer, he has enjoyed success with his novels AT THE END OF CHURCH STREET and THE LEGEND OF UGLY JOE, his comedic tribute to the horror movies of the 70's and 80's. Plus it has some kick bahookie crayon drawings in it, because he couldn't afford an artist. He also has a short story collection and has appeared in like a million billion maybe dozen anthologies, magazines, and funbooks. His No Pants Publishing continues to crank out 'I don't like reading'- friendly books like the Funky Werepig's SMILE WHEN IT'S BIG ENOUGH and the upcoming horror DEVIL MONKEY, The MUSICAL!
Not including his work as a pole dancer, Greg has captured so many world-changing moments on stage, video, and at drive-thru windows. But the biggest highlight of his career was when he was hugged by Pat Morita (Mr. Miyagi from The Karate Kid). Let’s all pause for a moment. Mr. Miyagi, yo. That really happened.
Greg continues to be on his best behavior so his wife and children do not put him into that 'special' place they speak of loudly when he's in the room. His re-evaluations occur every Monday so check back often.
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