How To Crochet A Vampire Peen
Because I’m an incredibly tasteful and classy kind of author, my hobbies include things like collecting vintage clothing, watching SyFy TV, and crocheting. In particular, lately I’ve been crocheting peens.Not to be confused with masculine-presenting organs made of flesh, peens are sweet, innocent, curious amigurumi who just happen to resemble masculine-presenting organs made of flesh. Peens come in many shapes and sizes, from the finger peen that now lives overseas to Mr. Hulk.
The original peen, Mr. Pinky, can be found with his friends at http://crochetpeen.tumblr.com/ going on adventures and pondering the mysteries of life.
But you’re here because I’ve promised to show you how to crochet your very own peen—and today’s creation will be a Vampeen!
First you need yarn. I use the cheap stuff a lot, the worsted weight. The texture and solidity of a rough worsted weight lends itself to, ah, erect amigurumi. I’ve also used a thick cotton (see: Hulk) which does result in a larger item. I use a G crochet hook. For Vampeen, I picked an off-white to represent his undeadness and a nice coal black for his shaft.
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