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Thursday, June 13, 2013

Movie Review: The Guillotines

Starring: Xioming Huang, Ethan Juan, Shawn Yue, Yuchun Li, Boran Jing
Director: Andrew Lau
Limited Release: June 14, 2013
Cities: New York, Los Angeles, Portland, Phoenix, Seattle, Pasadena, San Francisco
Theatrical Distribution: Well Go USA
Runtime: 113 MIN 
Mandarin with English Subtitles Rated R for
Strong Violent Content
Official website:

Infernal Affairs co-director Andrew Lau takes the helm for this remake of the Shaw Brothers classic Master of the Flying Guillotine set during the fall of the Qing Dynasty, when a group of clandestine assassins are repurposed for a malevolent new cause. When Emperor Yong Zheng rules the land, he maintained his strength through the power of the Guillotines, an elite team of assassins tasked with eliminating all opposition. Though the Guillotines are deemed disposable when Emperor Qian Long comes into power, the new ruler attempts to consolidate his might by unleashing the gang of killers on the defeated Han Chinese, leading to a violent power struggle between the oppressed masses, and the malevolent monarch. ~ Jason Buchanan, Rovi

Oh, I had high hopes for this one. I mean look at that movie poster! Check out the trailer. Instead what I got was a lot of crying, slow motion, a Chinese Jesus, crying, flash backs, a random screaming goat (that was pretty cool), none to subtle symbolism, and did I mention crying?

The first 5 minutes of the film rocked. The elite group of assassins are throwing their awesome guillotine swords, cutting off heads with Matrix like moves and being bad asses. Then they did a lot of crying as they were hunted down by the government they dedicated their lives too. I mean that sucks, but man up! You are elite bad ass assassins. Stop crying! Okay, I'l stop with the crying thing.

It was hard to figure out who everyone was and how they were connected. The subtitles were sub-par. They were in a white text and hard to see most of the time. The Chinese Jesus I mentioned was called The Wolf and he led the suppressed who were called the Herders (like I said, subtle). He knew he had to die to save his followers and he accepted this fate and he... yeah, he cried.

This is a limited release and will definitely stay that way. If you got a dollar to spend and some friends to sit down with you might be able to have some fun with this one when it comes out on DVD.

1 1/2 "heads be flying, wolves be howling" Sheep

Sharon Stogner

check out the trailer. It is very good. You will see Chinese Jesus and NO crying.


  1. Dang, that trailer looks rad! You gave this review a very honest opinion and while the crying was not for you, maybe someone else can dig it.

    Was it meant as a joke though? Maybe they did all the crying on purpose to make fun of the overuse of crying?

    I'll pick up the DVD and check it out :)

    1. nope, the crying was serious. Their was anguished wailing too

  2. I hadn't even heard of this movie. Thanks for the review.

    1. It is a foreign film so not many have heard of it. It will be a straight to DVD thing. You will probably see it at the Redbox soon.