Sheep Movie Review: The Expendables 3

The Expendables 3 (2014)
127 min - Action | Adventure | Thriller

15 August 2014 (USA)
Director: Patrick Hughes
Writers: Sylvester Stallone, Creighton Rothenberger

Starring: Sylvester Stallone, Jason Statham (my baby daddy!), Jet Li (I didn't even know he was in this!?), Antonio Banderas. Wesley Snipes, Dolph Lundgren, Mel Gibson, Harrison Ford, Arnold Schwarzenegger, Terry Crews, Kelsey Grammer, Kellan Lutz, Ronda Rousey, and a 100 other action movie actors and actresses.

Barney (Stallone), Christmas (Statham) and the rest of the team comes face-to-face with Conrad Stonebanks (Gibson), who years ago co-founded The Expendables with Barney. Stonebanks subsequently became a ruthless arms trader and someone who Barney was forced to kill... or so he thought. Stonebanks, who eluded death once before, now is making it his mission to end The Expendables -- but Barney has other plans. Barney decides that he has to fight old blood with new blood, and brings in a new era of Expendables team members, recruiting individuals who are younger, faster and more tech-savvy. The latest mission becomes a clash of classic old-school style versus high-tech expertise in the Expendables' most personal battle yet.

First off let me say, I'm a big fan of explosions, guns, martial arts, and anything super bad ass. Having previously seen other Expendables I knew what I was getting myself into, IE: epic explosions and action, weak storyline. If you're a fan of the series than I suspect your expectations for an amazing storyline are pretty non-existent, and rightfully so. I mean let's face it, you aren't there to see some heart-touching bromance unfold with explosions in the background. No, you're here to A: just how much sh*t can be blown up and B: perhaps see some eye candy? or not, I don't know what your cut off age is for eye candy but I have to say these guys are looking ridiculous for their ages IE: RIPPED AS HELL. 

Don't worry though guys! There's a female! And just to catch your attention we are introduced to her thinking she's some sexy stripper, oops, hostess but in fact she's like a female ninja in a sexy mini dress and heels! (Ohhh! I can hear the pitter patter of hearts!) Thankfully, she gets into more appropriate fighting gear little later on and whoops some booty. 

Really though the commercials would fool you into thinking this movie was all about the new and old Expendables but for quite a bit of the movie it's basically just a brooding Stallone going around getting himself into trouble so said "Expendables" need to step in. I say brooding because Barney (Stallone) is all, "*sigh* we're getting so old, we need to retire before we croak" and you're thinking, "no kidding" and then they bring in new youngsters and they're all , "OMG we're sexy and know how to use technology!" and then Mel Gibson is like, "Hey there, Sugar T*ts" to Luna (aka Ronda Rousey)...ok I made that part up BUT do not tell me you wouldn't snicker if they threw that in there somewhere.

So anyways I digress; there's lots of gun fights, explosions, muscles, some humor, maybe a storyline, and overall it's a fun summer movie. Not great, but fun.

I give it 3 out of 5 exploding sheep heads 

(link for photo)

Guest Reviewer: Jeni Darling
More awesome can be found at Jeni's website HERE

Movie Review: Grudge Match

Grudge Match
PG-13, 1 hr. 53 min.
Drama, Sports & Fitness, Comedy
Directed By: Peter Segal
Writers: Tim Kelleher (screenplay), Rodney Rothman (screenplay), 1 more credit »
Stars: Sylvester Stallone, Robert De Niro, Kim Basinger, Alan Arkin, Kevin Hart, Jon BernthalIn
Theaters: Dec 25, 2013 Wide
Warner Bros. Pictures - Official Site
Robert De Niro and Sylvester Stallone star as old boxing rivals who come out of retirement for one final match. On their first encounter in decades, their long-festering feud erupts into an unintentionally hilarious melee that instantly goes viral. The sudden social media frenzy transforms their local grudge match into a must-see HBO event. Now, if they can just survive the training, they may actually live to fight again. -- (C) Warner Bros.

"Let's get ready to rummmmblllllllllllllllllle!"

 

When you saw the trailer for Grudge Match you probably did the same eye roll as me. Here we go again, old actors trying to cash in on their past movie success. But that is not the case with this movie! I loved it. From start to finish it was funny and heartwarming. There wasn’t anyone in the movie I didn’t like. There is a great story and fun snarky dialogue. They poke fun at the Rocky movie franchise but don’t use it to carry the movie or make it cheesy. Kevin Hart can be a bit over the top, but his type of comedy was perfect for his role as a “down on his luck” boxing manager. There was a lot of chemistry between Hart and Stallone.

This movie has something for everyone and worth a matinee admission. Seeing it on the big screen doesn’t add anything to the movie. It will be just as good as a rental, but if you are looking for an entertaining movie to catch on the weekend that will make you laugh, you won’t be disappointed.

Make sure you stay through the first part of the credits. There are a couple of short scenes. The last one is probably the funniest of the movie.

4 "knick-knack making sheep"

SharonStogner

Sheep Movie Review: The Expendables 2

Expendables 2, directed by Simon West, and starring Sylvester Stallone, Jason Statham, Dolph Lundgren, Terry Crews, Randy Couture, Chuck Norris, Jean-Claude Van Damme, Arnold Schwarzenegger, Bruce Willis, and Liam Hemsworth. If the cast alone hasn't sold you on this over-the-top action flick, then you may want to sit this one out!

Plot:

The Expendables are back and this time it's personal... Barney Ross (Sylvester Stallone), Lee Christmas (Jason Statham), Yin Yang (Jet Li), Gunnar Jensen (Dolph Lundgren),Toll Road (Randy Couture) and Hale Caesar (Terry Crews) -- with newest members Billy the Kid (Liam Hemsworth) and Maggie (Yu Nan) aboard -- are reunited when Mr. Church (Bruce Willis) enlists the Expendables to take on a seemingly simple job. The task looks like an easy paycheck for Barney and his band of old-school mercenaries. But when things go wrong and one of their own is viciously killed, the Expendables are compelled to seek revenge in hostile territory where the odds are stacked against them.

First off I have to start out by saying how VERY disappointed I was in the movie theater where I chose to see this one. (Cinema 7 in Campbell, CA) I went out of my way with two friends for the D-Box motion seat experience, an experience that I had the privilege of doing with the first installment of this franchise. Not only was the D-Box not working, but the seats were a mess of sticky goo and stains. Gross! Only 40 theaters across the globe offer the D-Box effect but I can only hope other theaters take better care with the seats, because at $17 a pop they better!

Now, on to the review! Yes, indeed, the old-timers are back and kicking some butt! Grab your hemorrhoid cream and get ready, some of the dudes we loved in the 80's are back once again to show us they still got it. If that's not enough to sell you on this movie, then how about some slap stick one-liners?! Expendables makes no apologies on where it's heading with the plot-line, where stunts and all around testosterone are the name of this game.

This movie's got everything from the classic 80's action flicks: blasting through walls, rolling around for no reason, wind effects in the background, bullets that should be killing our heroes, blood and guts, plus bulging muscles abound! Pure octane entertainment served up in the cheesiest fashion so you can't help but love it. The sunset years sure are shining on these men! They may be bald and wrinkled, but they're still blowing things up with a smile. Yes, it's hokey, and yes the plot sucks but if you're going into this for something dramatic and earth shattering then you've picked the wrong movie.

Corny and crazy with a huge helping of mindless nonsense, BUT this film is the best way to "let off some steam" for summer or "terminate" those back to school blues! (Get it? See what I did there?) Review for the first Expendables can be found HERE.

Getting 3 "Goats suck! Sheep rule!" Sheep

KD

The Expendables Movie, old guys kicking butt!

The Expendables, directed by Sylvester Stallone, stars Jet Li, Jason Statham, Eric Roberts, Randy Couture, Steve Austin, Arnold Schwarzenegger, Bruce Willis, Dolph (still my man) Lundgren, Charisma Carpenter (Cordi from Angel woot woot!), Terry Crews, Mickey Rourke and the man himself Sly Stallone! Grab your depends and arthritis cream, people, and watch some of our 80's heroes rock the big screen.

Plot:

An all-star cast of action-movie icons headline Sylvester Stallone's explosive action thriller about a group of hard-nosed mercenaries who are double-crossed during a treacherous mission. When their mission is compromised, Barney and Christmas are forced to flee, leaving Sandra behind to face almost certain death. But Barney isn't the kind of soldier to abandon a mission, or a hostage, and now in order to get the job done he'll need the help of his old crew.

I am lucky enough to live in the Bay Area where we have access to D-Box seating, one of our many perks in Nor Cal. ;) If you don't know about D-Box let me tell you it's the most entertaining way to watch action movies. The specialized seats have full range of motion and vibration, so when a car crashes on screen your seat gets slammed. Gun fights take on a whole new meaning, and boats...well if you get seasick easy you may not want to do D-Box! It's a fantastic update and quickly becoming my new movie watching addiction.

Now to the movie review itself, if you can't tell by the trailers this movie is a hard-hitting action flick with tons of explosives, blood and guts, impossible stunts, car chases, UFC and WWE moves, beautiful women in distress, and bad a** old dudes rockin' Harley's. Basically it's a testosterone circus gone wild and I loved it! Anyone need a prostate check?

The plot itself is pretty predictable, but the actors have a lot of fun with their characters and that comes across to the audience. Plenty of good old fashion throwing knives always come in handy when traveling to South America, well in my experience anyway. :) The movie won't win any Oscars, but it will make you laugh, and if you're like me and just enjoy seeing all these great action heroes in one movie it will make it all worthwhile.

On a side note, I still don't know the exact details of why Jean Claude Van Damme was not in this movie but I will say he was missed. I would have liked to see the original Universal Soldiers together kickin' butt! Oh well. My only hope is that you're not stuck in a showing that has a woman in the audience screaming during every action scene, it was annoying. Blah!

Grab some friends and go see this one. :)

KD