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Monday, August 5, 2013

Guest Post: How to Defend Yourself from Faeries by Dani Harper + giveaway

“Storm Warrior – How to Defend Yourself from Faeries” 

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Just forget Tinkerbell.

If you’re going to survive, there are a few things you need to know about faeries. 

They’re not cute. 

They’re not little. 

And they’re definitely not nice.

Oh sure, they can be beautiful to look at, so alluring that you’ll walk away with them without a single backward glance. But they can be ugly too, or so terrifying that your heart could stop from fear. Whatever they look like, however, faeries are very dangerous creatures. Long-lived dangerous creatures who get very, very bored. 

To a bored faery, a mere mortal represents a diversion – you could become a pet or a toy, a target for pranks or just a target, period. To many of these immortal beings, a human is nothing more than an insect in a jar, an object of fleeting interest. (Or for some, a snack). 

But just like dealing with zombies, following a few basic rules can save your life.

1. Steer clear from known faery territory. This includes strange solitary hills in odd places, such as in the middle of a field. Round grassy knolls often conceal entrances to the faery realm. Their kingdom exists beneath the mortal world, so all caves, mines and abandoned wells are suspect. Taking up spelunking as a hobby is a bad idea.

2. Don’t invite faeries to your home. Sure, it’s cute to attract hummingbirds and butterflies with your landscaping selections. But plant the wrong thing, and you could be issuing an invitation to the Fair Ones. Need a shade tree? Do NOT pick an oak, an alder or a hazel. Foxgloves, ferns, and rosemary in your garden are also said to attract faery creatures.

3. Always wear clothing with pockets. That’s where you’re going to keep your repertoire of faery repellent. And no, it doesn't come in a handy spray or moist wipes. Keep a handful of raw oatmeal in your pocket, some red berries (like holly or mountain ash, even Craisins), a few iron nails and a horseshoe. Why a pocket and not a super big handbag? Because you’re trying to keep the faeries away from you, not your Coach. Okay, okay, throw some in the Coach too….

4. Double-check your date. If a stranger who looks like a movie star asks you out, it could be because you’re totally charming, hot and sexy yourself. Or it could be that your dream date is a faerie. They may be trying to lure you away with them. Keep a four-leafed clover in your pocket and you’ll be able to discern exactly who – or what – is trying to buy you a drink.

If you can’t avoid the faeries, or repel them, you’re going to have to appease them.

This is why you keep bread on your person at all times. Whether it’s hardtack, stale, whole wheat or Wonder, bread is a universal symbol of life, of hearth and home. If it fails to repel a faery, you can offer the creature the bread as a gift. This represents an act of hospitality that not only might save you from mischief (or sudden and immediate death), but gain you a favor.

Other appeasements: dropping a piece of silver in any body of water that you pass. Yup, you’re going to start checking your change for old silver dimes. Or you can dismantle that old charm bracelet from that relationship with Mr. Wrong, and keep the pieces in one of your pockets. (Speaking of pockets, by now it should be obvious that a fisherman’s vest is a potentially lifesaving investment.)

My newest release tells the story of Rhys, a fierce Celtic warrior who’s been a captive of the Fair Ones beneath the Black Hills of Wales for millennia. How did someone so big, strong and capable (not to mention hawt) end up a prisoner of the faeries? And how did he end up naked in Morgan Edwards’ front yard? 

The answers to these questions and more are in STORM WARRIOR, Book 1 of the Grim Series. Here’s the blurb:

Two thousand years ago, Rhys was the fierce Celtic warrior branded by the Romans as “the Bringer of Death.” Mortally wounded in battle, he was captured by the Fair Ones, cunning and powerful masters of the Welsh faery realm. They spared his life…but for a price. As a grim, he has roamed the earth as a messenger of death—until a single act of kindness breaks the ancient enchantment and delivers him into a strange new world…

As a child, Morgan Edwards marveled at the faery tales spun by her beloved grandmother, stories of the magical beings hidden in the heart of ancient Wales. But now Morgan is all grown up, a veterinarian who believes only in what science can prove—until the night a massive black dog saves her from a vicious attack, and life as she knows it changes forever. Suddenly a stranger stands before her, the man of her dreams made flesh and blood not by science, but by a magic that could bring them their hearts’ desires...or cost them everything they have.

*check out the I Smell Sheep review of Storm Warrior


***GIVEAWAY***
Exclusively for I Smell Sheep readers


An unabridged audio version of Storm Warrior. (This is the seven CDs version in a case - about 8 and a half hours of listening) *narrated by Justine Eyre, an actress (tv roles include Mad Men and Two and a Half Men) who has also read some of Nora Roberts' books.

a Rafflecopter giveaway


23 comments:

  1. My family and I would probably assume he had a rough night :-) We'd give him some clothes and offer him some money to get a taxi.

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  2. After I discreetly stared at his HAWT body for a bit, I'd probably freak out - of course, if I'd just watch him morph from magic that's something else entirely. I'd also freak a bit, but being from magic, he'd be less likely to be a super-hot, super-sexy, pervy, Ted-Bundy type serial killer, so then I'd feel safe in offering in help. Seriously folks, you can't be too careful these days. Much as I'd love taking in a hunk of hawt, naked man, I'd really need to make sure he's safe first...michelle_willms@yahoo.com

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  3. I would invite him in of course.

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  4. After I picked my jaw off the ground, I'd check him over for injuries and then invite him in to gather himself.

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  5. Hmm I would gawk for a few moments, then invite him in. After that who knows what could happen!

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  6. TAKE HIM IN. THANKS FOR THE GIVEAWAY! SHELLEY S. calicolady60@hotmail.com

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  7. Offer him some Kool Aid??? A bath maybe?

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  8. I think I'd stare and repeat over and over "Oh. My. God!" Then think what is a gorgeous man like this doing staked out in my front yard? lol My rational mind would then take over and wonder if it's a prank? Or is this guy an axe-murderer? As much as I'd like to invite him in, I'd probably call the cops.

    penumbrareads(at)gmail(dot)com

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  9. I would feed him and take care of him. Thanks for the giveaway. Please enter me. I would love to read this book. Tore923@aol.com

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  10. First I would make sure he wasn't injured or strung out. Then I would check out his package. If everything is up to snuff, well then I would invite him in and jump his bones.

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  11. I wouldn't even think and just invite him in!

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  12. If I found Rhys naked in my front yard.. The first thing I would do is stare for a moment because hey, it's not everyday you see that. Then I would find something to (sadly) cover him up while I helped him into my house. Because we don't want to scare (or entice) the neighbors right? Then I would talk to him to find out what he was doing in my front yard.

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  13. Definitely invite him in!!! Thanks for the great giveaway.

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  14. I would swoon, pant, probably salivate on myself and then maybe I could gather my wits enough to invite him in;)

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  15. I would check him over and invite him in. Thanks for the giveaway!

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  16. Hmm I don't have a front yard, but if I found him on the sidewalk in front of my door, I would be scared/shocked at first, then take him in and call the police or medics if he needed them.
    With every blogpost I read about this book, I want to read it more!

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  17. OMG! Probably stare awhile, get my camera to take a few pics, then find a blanket and invite him in for a drink - or whatever. Thank you for the giveaway!
    Bonnie Hilligoss/bonhill@speakeasy.net

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  18. Take him in the house after my husband leave's and warm him up!! lol

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  19. Give him a blanket and bring him in the house.

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  20. Offer him covering...after that it would depend on what words came out of his mouth. Take him in....feed him....call the police. Possibilities are endless...smile.
    Would love to read this book.

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