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Tuesday, February 17, 2015

Sheep Movie Review: JUPITER ASCENDING


JUPITER ASCENDING 
Written and Directed by: Lana and Andy Wachowski 
Cast: Mila Kunis, Channing Tatum, Sean Bean, Eddie Redmayne, 
Rated: PG-13

Plot: 
From the streets of Chicago to the far-flung galaxies whirling through space, "Jupiter Ascending" tells the story of Jupiter Jones (Mila Kunis), who was born under a night sky, with signs predicting she was destined for great things. Now grown, Jupiter dreams of the stars but wakes up to the cold reality of a job cleaning other people's houses and an endless run of bad breaks. Only when Caine (Channing Tatum), a genetically engineered ex-military hunter, arrives on Earth to track her down does Jupiter begin to glimpse the fate that has been waiting for her all along-her genetic signature marks her as next in line for an extraordinary inheritance that could alter the balance of the cosmos. 

If I had to sum up this film as a whole, it would go like this: "What a waste of time and money". 

I don't have much to say, the cup is more then half empty. The tiny bits of pieces that were meaningful are just nowhere near enough to keep you wanting more. Like a leaf on the wind, you can't catch'em. And if you did, they would crumble and fall apart. 


The CGI stuff was cool, the stunts looked like fun. I know Mila and Channing did a bunch of wire work for this one. Though the technology introduced left much to be desired. This was a fantasy film that felt like there was a book or manual you needed to read BEFORE seeing this. I had no clue what was going on half the time. It's all mashed up and put together, then thrown with a sling-shot straight in your face. TAKE IT! And hey, you're gonna like it! 

Sean Bean, I'm so sorry you felt the need to take this role. Dude, I still love you! Long live the North! (GOT reference folks.) 


I've never wanted to walk out of a film as badly as I did with this one. Don't waste your hard earned money, unless you're on a blind date that's not going well. Then waste their money and buy a ton of snacks to enjoy. It will give you something to do other then watching this galactic train wreck. 


Getting 1 "I will never live in a bee infested house" Sheep
KD

10 comments:

  1. Wow, I was hoping for so much more with this one. I'll wait until it's on tv to watch this one.

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    1. I was too. It was hard to sit and watch this train wreck. Too bad. :/

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  2. Wooooow. LoL I'm surprised you went in the first place. It doesn't even look like a good movie from the blurb and poster. That's just me though. I find a lot of movies nowadays to be utter crap. I'd rather save my money on a $10 ticket and buy a book I've been dying to read. Sorry to hear you felt like you wasted your money and time watching this though. :(
    Kristin @ Book Sniffers Anonymous

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    1. See I LIKE these kinds of movies. Well, the ones done better then this. lol The concept was great. The story could have been something really special but there was too much going on and not enough time explaining anything. At all. *le sigh*

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  3. O.O So disappointed to hear it. The trailers looked so amazing and I was in the mood for a sci-fi adventure. Thanks for the heads up!

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    1. I would pass on this Dani. Just wait for a Redbox. If you're looking for a good SciFi I would watch Edge of Tomorrow. That was actually a really good SciFi and Emily Blunt was badass!

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  4. Well - that will save me time and money. I had a feeling. Thanks for the heads up!

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  5. Damn it, would they just start making some kick ass sci-fi or fantasy movies already. They seem to be doing a good job at superheros, but lets face it. We already know what happens in all of those.... just sayin'. I want more fantasy movies with meaning, like Avatar. COME ON HOLLYWOOD GET YOUR SHIT TOGETHER!

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    1. Annie I agree. To the tenth power! Bring us some good SciFi! I am waiting for the next big thing. Just waiting! I can't tell ya enough, I wanted to love this film so much. I'm not giving up hope for the future. :)

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