GtPGKogPYT4p61R1biicqBXsUzo" /> Google+ Sheep Movie Review: The Expendables 3 | I Smell Sheep

Wednesday, August 13, 2014

Sheep Movie Review: The Expendables 3

The Expendables 3 (2014)
127 min - Action | Adventure | Thriller

15 August 2014 (USA)
Director: Patrick Hughes
Writers: Sylvester Stallone, Creighton Rothenberger
Starring: Sylvester Stallone, Jason Statham (my baby daddy!), Jet Li (I didn't even know he was in this!?), Antonio Banderas. Wesley Snipes, Dolph Lundgren, Mel Gibson, Harrison Ford, Arnold Schwarzenegger, Terry Crews, Kelsey Grammer, Kellan Lutz, Ronda Rousey, and a 100 other action movie actors and actresses.

Barney (Stallone), Christmas (Statham) and the rest of the team comes face-to-face with Conrad Stonebanks (Gibson), who years ago co-founded The Expendables with Barney. Stonebanks subsequently became a ruthless arms trader and someone who Barney was forced to kill... or so he thought. Stonebanks, who eluded death once before, now is making it his mission to end The Expendables -- but Barney has other plans. Barney decides that he has to fight old blood with new blood, and brings in a new era of Expendables team members, recruiting individuals who are younger, faster and more tech-savvy. The latest mission becomes a clash of classic old-school style versus high-tech expertise in the Expendables' most personal battle yet.

First off let me say, I'm a big fan of explosions, guns, martial arts, and anything super bad ass. Having previously seen other Expendables I knew what I was getting myself into, IE: epic explosions and action, weak storyline. If you're a fan of the series than I suspect your expectations for an amazing storyline are pretty non-existent, and rightfully so. I mean let's face it, you aren't there to see some heart-touching bromance unfold with explosions in the background. No, you're here to A: just how much sh*t can be blown up and B: perhaps see some eye candy? or not, I don't know what your cut off age is for eye candy but I have to say these guys are looking ridiculous for their ages IE: RIPPED AS HELL. 

Don't worry though guys! There's a female! And just to catch your attention we are introduced to her thinking she's some sexy stripper, oops, hostess but in fact she's like a female ninja in a sexy mini dress and heels! (Ohhh! I can hear the pitter patter of hearts!) Thankfully, she gets into more appropriate fighting gear little later on and whoops some booty. 

Really though the commercials would fool you into thinking this movie was all about the new and old Expendables but for quite a bit of the movie it's basically just a brooding Stallone going around getting himself into trouble so said "Expendables" need to step in. I say brooding because Barney (Stallone) is all, "*sigh* we're getting so old, we need to retire before we croak" and you're thinking, "no kidding" and then they bring in new youngsters and they're all , "OMG we're sexy and know how to use technology!" and then Mel Gibson is like, "Hey there, Sugar T*ts" to Luna (aka Ronda Rousey)...ok I made that part up BUT do not tell me you wouldn't snicker if they threw that in there somewhere.

So anyways I digress; there's lots of gun fights, explosions, muscles, some humor, maybe a storyline, and overall it's a fun summer movie. Not great, but fun.
I give it 3 out of 5 exploding sheep heads 

Guest Reviewer: Jeni Darling
More awesome can be found at Jeni's website HERE

1 comment:

  1. I wish I could write the script for an Expendables movie, so I could have characters with stupid names shout lines such as "YOU'VE GOT A TANK PROBLEM, PAL!" over the din of explosions.
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