Top Ten Reasons Sleeping With the Enemy is a Pain in the Ass
by the traitorous wizard Anton
and his author Elisabeth Staab
Hi, everyone! Many thanks to I Smell Sheep for having us here today!
*Anton glares and sits down* Okay, here we go.
*The sheep potty mouth police had to censor Anton a little bit <G>*
1. First? All the vampire males are arrogant a@@holes. How have they lived so long taking themselves so seriously? I was tortured and cast out from my kind. My female is ultra-powerful. Sorry about all of your tiny d*#ks, fellas, but I couldn't have gotten through my life without a little humor and being secure in my manhood. You know?
2. No Trust. What does a guy have to do to get a little faith passed his way? If you help take down your father, you’re a traitor, and if you don’t you’re the kind who ignores the pain and suffering of the vampire you love. No matter what you do, you’re f***ed.
3. No Privacy. Try to make love to your woman, and her brother the king shows up to bang on the door with the mighty fist of c**kblocking righteousness. Do I need to say more?
4. It isn’t just that they’re all nocturnal, my female feels like she needs to atone for being a half-breed with all these uppity pure-blood d**kheads so likes to burn the candle at both ends. It’s not just that we’re up all night, but more of an up all night, up all day routine. And thank f**k I’ve got the healing powers to keep up with her in the sack or I’d be sunk.
5. There’s that whole issue about sunlight. I grew up in a stale, bloody, nasty-ass sanctum with no free-flowing air. It’d be nice to open a window on a sunny day once in awhile, now that I’m free of that place. But no, even though my mate is half-vampire and can tolerate a little daylight, there are security concerns, and the vampires get squirmy when I roam freely in the daytime all by my lonesome. They get even squirmier when I spend time alone in the day with the resident human. Dammed if you do, damned if you don’t.
6. Holding back my powers in front of the newbie vampire fighters because it makes them uncomfortable. Hello, I am an outcast wizard living among hundreds of vampires who hate my traitor ass every single day. Talk about uncomfortable. These kids need to grow a pair.
7. There’s that f***ed-up interrogation cell they chained me up in when they thought I’d led them all into an ambush. Can we talk again about the trust issues? While we’re at it, let’s make a list of “Anton’s top ten things to go after with a bulldozer…”
8. I’ve incurred the wrath of my kind for defecting, but whatever. You want to strap me down and cut out my heart? Only if you beg me. Let’s be honest: I’m a pacifist at heart, but I’m also a realist. If it’s me or the other guy, then I’ll have to make his blood boil. Literally. Still, talk about disgusting.
9. Fighting alongside the female I love is a mixed bag. She’s fierce, but still I want to protect her. Tyra is older and her powers are greater. It fills a man with pride, and a mighty sense of terror all at once, knowing she can protect herself better than I can. Holy hell though, it’s f***ing hot to see her stomp an enemy’s face into the dirt.
10. Falling in love may mean happy ever after, but it’s also the beginning of proving your worth to the race your brethren have killed for centuries. This is a little more complicated than making up for the embarrassing time you spilled coffee in your brother in law’s crotch. Which, for the record, is a sin I have also committed. In the end though? Worth all the pain a million times over, for the love of the strongest, most loyal, and most beautiful vampire I’ve ever had the honor to know. I would not change a thing.
Wizards and vampires have been mortal enemies since the beginning. Now Anton, son of the Wizard Master, has one last chance to steal the unique powers of the vampire king's beautiful sister, Tyra...and then kill her. But when he meets Tyra face-to-face, everything changes...
Tyra will stop at nothing to defeat the wizards, until Anton saves her life and she suddenly sees an opportunity she never could have imagined...
As the sparks ignite between them, together they could bring an end to the war that's decimating their people, but only if they can find a way to trust each other...
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Elisabeth Staab still lives with her nose in a book and at least one foot in a fantasy world. She digs cats, coffee, sexy stories, and friendly things that go bump in the night. Find out more at ElisabethStaab.com and follow her on Twitter and Facebook.