GtPGKogPYT4p61R1biicqBXsUzo" /> Google+ Top 10 Reasons NOT to get pregnant while in a relationship with a vampire + giveaway | I Smell Sheep

Friday, May 17, 2013

Top 10 Reasons NOT to get pregnant while in a relationship with a vampire + giveaway

In Kallysten's newest erotic romance Beyond the Edge her character Virginia, a human, is in a relationship with her vampire lover Anando, but they also "party" with their friends who are a m-vamp/f-vamp/m-human trio. Things are going to get kind of hectic. So Virginia is here to give us many reason why this is a bad idea.

Virginia’s Top 10 Reasons NOT to get pregnant while in a relationship with a vampire. 

10 - The Fertility Issue 
Vampires can’t have kids, everyone knows that. Some of them can be pretty touchy about it. Even if they’ve had time to get used to the idea, it’s still a difficult topic for some of them. And even if they say they’re fine with the whole thing, who knows what they really think? 

9 - The In-Laws 
Bad enough when your MIL is human and tries to tell you all about her pregnancy with your SO whenever she can catch you unaware. Now when she’s got fangs and has lived hundreds of years and expects everyone to jump when she raises an eyebrow and (you suspect) she has killed for more frivolous reasons than that… *gulp* 

8 - The Blood 
When pregnant, your monthly friend goes on vacation, which hey, nice break. But when your SO is a vampire and doesn’t mind blood AT ALL to the point that it might (absolutely hypothetically) drive him even more wild in bed (or rather in the large shower) than usual… Hypothetically, it’d be a pity to deprive yourself him from such fun (albeit messy) times. 

7 - The Future 
Vampires and sunlight go together just about as well and gasoline and a flame. Which means that when the Offspring grows up and goes to school, birthday parties, the zoo, the beach, various games and outdoors activities, guess who’s going to be the driver 100% of the time? And you can’t even blame your SO because it’s not his fault if he’s highly flammable. 

6 - The Birth Certificate 
Try explaining to those nice clerks that yes, you do want your SO’s name on the birth certificate even though he’s a vampire and A) is physiologically incapable of fathering a child as well as B) legally has no right whatsoever to raise or claim custody of a child. Of course your SO flashing his fangs at said clerks might help…
 
5 - The Explanations 
And speaking of explanations, try explaining to your friends and family who know about your SO’s fangs how exactly you became pregnant. Bonus points if they did not know about the fangs until you start explaining. 

4 - The Donor 
How do you choose the donor? Do you just pick some random guy on a catalog and hope he didn’t lie about his IQ and eye color, or do you ask a trusted friend, who might happen to be in a relationship with vampires himself, and wow that’s an entire new can of worms you’re opening there. Extra juicy when you don’t actually plan it and it just happens, to everybody’s surprise. 

3 - The Cravings 
When you crave a double fudge, extra nuts, chocolate sprinkles, whipped cream, vanilla and pineapple sundae with two cherries on top and pickle on the side and there is no pickle left and you finished the sprinkles two days ago and it’s three in the afternoon on a bright sunny day, guess who’s going to have to get dressed to go buy the necessary ingredients for your treat? Not Mr. Flammable, that’s for sure. 

2 - The Biting 
If you’re in a relationship with a vampire, presumably you don’t mind him biting you. And why would you mind, really? If he has any clue what he’s doing - and chances are, he has perfected it to an art - biting you can be as enjoyable to you as it is to him. If performed at the right time during a sexual encounter, it can be pretty mind-blowing, and there’s nothing hypothetical about that one. So having to cut down on the biting because your body should be feeding your baby rather than your lover… it’s almost as tragic as having to forgo sex. 

1 - The Sex 
Speaking of sex… Now my experience of sex with vampires is admittedly limited seeing how I haven’t had that many vampire partners (well, three, if you want to go by whom I shared a bed with but part of it is debatable) but from my small sample (and I don’t mean ‘small’ in any kind of anatomical meaning) I have found out that vampires enjoy kinky sex. I mentioned the biting already, and the only-in-the-shower fun, but there’s more to it, including toys used and/or worn by either of us, positions, situations… Ahem. Being told by the doctor to keep things ‘vanilla’ in the bedroom was the most frustrating part of this whole experience, and those 9+ months, counting the recovery, seemed reeeeeally long. Then again, the end result was definitely worth it. And watching your SO’s eyes light up when he holds your child… forget these 10 reasons, just find yourself a vamp and go for it ;)


As Brett Andrews, owner of the famous club On The Edge, reaches the big ‘four-O,’ he has one request and one question for his two vampire lovers, Leo and Lisa: he doesn’t want them to organize any sort of celebration for him – but he does want to know why neither of them has ever mentioned the possibility of turning him into a vampire. 

The question finds an answer, and the three of them share a promise for the year to come. His request, on the other hand, is doomed from the start as they already have plans for the big day: they have a gift for him to match presents he offered each of them, and the party they planned with help from a couple of friends promises to be something special.

Vampire Anando and his human lover Virginia met at On The Edge. They are friends and occasional lovers of Leo, Brett and Lisa. When asked, they gladly accept to host the big-bash birthday party – and the private after-party, too. A good time is had by all, but the last gift is only revealed a few weeks later, to be delivered after nine months.

With both humans in love with vampires, neither expected a child in their future. As for the vampires, they knew for a fact that they’d never become parents. For all five, once the first shock has passed, decisions have to be made. Will this new adventure strengthen bonds of love and friendship, or will it tear lives apart? 

Buy from the author 
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About the Author:
Blog -Facebook -Google+ -Twitter-Goodreads 
Kallysten’s most exciting accomplishment to date was to cross a few thousand miles and an ocean to pursue (and catch!) the love of her life. She has been writing for over fifteen years, and always enjoyed sharing her stories and listening to the readers' reactions. After playing with science fiction, short stories and poetry, she is now trying her hand, heart and words at paranormal romance novels. 

To see her other stories, including free short stories and sample chapters, visit http://original.kallysten.net 



49 comments:

  1. This is funny:
    9 - The In-Laws Bad enough when your MIL is human and tries to tell you all about her pregnancy with your SO whenever she can catch you unaware. Now when she’s got fangs and has lived hundreds of years and expects everyone to jump when she raises an eyebrow and (you suspect) she has killed for more frivolous reasons than that… *gulp*

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  2. Now that's a very interesting idea for a story. Very original...I love it.

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  3. I think trying to explain to friends/family exactly HOW you got preggo might be interesting ;)

    But, hey, the kid is going to have five parents? Talk about never having a lack of love or attention. No babysitter needed.

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  4. Donna Murphy
    Explaining it all could prove very interesting. It all sounds good and amusing. Can't wait to read!!!

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  5. I just loved this blog post. I've added it to my wish list and look forward to reading it.

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  6. In my book, All Hours Trading, my heroine is in a long term relationship with a vampire. A child becomes a serious consideration. Love your suggestions.

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  7. Definitely curious about the outcome of this book. Thanks :)

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  8. So #8, kinda gross, but I do love the book.

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    1. gross indeed, which is why I never (and will never) explore THAT aspect in the books :P

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  9. This book interests me so I just went out and bought a copy for my Kobo! :) THANK - YOU, I Smell Sheep for showing me another new author to get to know!!!! :)

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    1. wow! you are welcome :) you got to let us know what you think of it over in the Facebook group.

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  10. Loved this!! I had to share with everyone!! Thanks for a great laugh!!

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  11. I laughed out loud on a couple of the explanations. I would love to be the fly on the wall during this discussion....would prove very interesting.

    cmucha319(at)yahoo(dot)com

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  12. Some of these explanations were amusing to me.

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  13. Haha these were great! I love the cravings one.

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  14. Interesting post! Loved the comments about the in-laws.

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  15. I liked the Cravings one. It was very funny. I really liked this post.

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  16. I had to read #8 a couple of times and #3 had me laughing! Would love to read the book. Thanks for the giveaway!!
    Bonnie Hilligoss/bonhill@speakeasy.net

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  17. I loved all of the reasons some were laugh out loud funny. I'm looking forward to reading the book.
    sstrode at scrtc dot com

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  18. Jessica Hale(Parsons)May 18, 2013 at 12:16 AM

    lol all the reasons amused me and made me laugh

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  19. I love .w take on vamps. Can't wait to read

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  20. I loved them all. Can't wait to read this one.

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  21. Loved 'em all but #2 - No Biting is just....tragic!

    Thanks for the amazing giveaway!
    elizabeth @ bookattict . com

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  22. This is very interesting! Never thought about some of these! LOL! Great job!

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  23. The biting is hot!
    THnaks for the giveaway!

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  24. Oh my gosh I TOTALLY love the one about the in-laws. Although, I can't imagine if mine lived for eons...I'm sure a lot of ladies out there would share that sentiment ;)

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  25. Well #8 Blood....well what can I say?? ewwww lol when I read it I was like really??!! And It kept creeping into my mind and I could just imagine it and I don't think I would do that. Thank you so much for this awesome giveaway!! I LOVE Kallysten!! Her books are so GOOD!!!

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